


to be more than just a dreamer

by ksfrmi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Huang Ren Jun & Lee Donghyuck | Haechan Are Siblings, Huang Ren Jun-centric, Implied Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun - Freeform, Knight Na Jaemin, M/M, Minor Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno, Mutual Pining, Pining, Prince Huang Ren Jun, Prince Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:41:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 38,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21685444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksfrmi/pseuds/ksfrmi
Summary: Renjun, crown prince born with a heart of crystal, has been thinking of running away from his royal status and overprotective parents, both of which have bound him to the castle grounds since he was a child. He wants to see the world, not lead an entire nation (he doesn’t exactly think he would make a good king). When Jaemin, his knight and best friend, offers to run away with him, Renjun takes the opportunity and goes on to live the life he's always dreamed of.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 16
Kudos: 159
Collections: ’00 FIC FEST: ROUND ONE





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 00FF #0048
> 
> _Renjun is the heir to the throne but there is a problem: he was born with a heart made of crystal, thus he can't handle physical activity nor strong emotions (or that's what everyone thinks). His parents, the king and queen, are overprotective of him and his brother hates him cause even though Renjun doesn't want the throne, he will have it. Already done with everything, Renjun decides to scape and he takes his knight with him, and then the adventure starts._
> 
> first things first, a big thank you to my beta, emmy! without their help, i doubt this fic would be nearly as good!! thank you for your hard work, it must not have been easy to beta nearly 40k. thank you for giving me confidence in my writing!
> 
> kudos to the prompter for the great idea! i was glad to have found a royalty au prompt since i just adore writing them (even though it's mostly in the beginning).  
> i struggled so much with the history...i originally made an attempt to make it like middle ages/feudal era but then i kinda gave up. the time period is the biggest creative liberty i took with this, don't @ me on the history pls i beg of you

☁️🌙☁️

Tranquility seeped through Renjun’s royal bathroom using steam as its gateway, the plucked rose petals bathing along with him a wavering red hue. His skin was beginning to prune, shrivelling at his fingertips.

Renjun cupped his hands together and raised them from beneath the waterline of the bath, letting the water run from his hands like a waterfall. (Not that Renjun has actually seen one before, having only ever read books about them in the royal library and seen waterfalls in paintings, like the one hanging up somewhere on the castle's walls. So maybe he had meant like a fountain instead of a waterfall—they had fountains in the castle.)

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kun, his personal servant, set a lusciously pristine white towel on a wooden stool beside his bath.

"Your Highness, do you require my assistance with anything tonight?" he asked. Out of water for his fountain stream, Renjun's hands dipped back down into the warm water.

Renjun shook his head, his eyes fixed on his knees rather than Kun's face. "Thank you, but I'll be quite alright on my own," he said politely. "You are dismissed for the night. Have a good rest."

Kun gave him a curt bow. "As you wish, Your Highness," he said, before swiftly exiting the bathroom.

Renjun let out a sigh, his shoulders sagging deeper into the shallow water of the bath. It should have been nice to have someone always at your beck and call, but Renjun disliked bossing others around, even though it would soon be his _job_ to give orders to his people. That was his future role: to be the king of this country.

He wished he wasn't the heir to the throne. He'd be more content with doing paperwork all-day-every-day for the rest of his life than become the next king, the latter bearing much heavier responsibilities and burdens than even the highest stacks of paperwork, even if it was to the power of ten! He simply didn’t want to be the heir to the throne _that_ much.

He wished Donghyuck, his younger brother, could take the throne in his place—heck, his brother wished for the same thing. He always made a point to tell Renjun how he was a poor choice of an heir, how he was too weak to be a king, how he didn't have the skills to rule, all of which Renjun himself agreed on.

Donghyuck resented him for being the next one in line to sit on the grand throne, even though Renjun would gladly let the other have it. For that, he thought his little brother was being petty; it wasn't _his_ fault for being born as the eldest son, like _this_ , after all.

After soaking for a little while longer, Renjun timely stepped out of the expansive quartz bath, placing one wet foot on the contrasting deep blue rug at a time.

From his damp hair's ends dripped beads of water on his shoulders, and he was quick to rub the unstained white towel back and forth on his head. Once he was pleased to find his hair dry enough to let air dry on its own, he followed up by patting his skin down as well.

He then wrapped the towel around himself and walked across the smooth floor to the closet, which contained his clothing. He put on his undergarments and sleepwear, made from the highest quality materials in the kingdom, buttoning his top on his own.

He had started sending away his attendant like he just had about a year ago, and it made Renjun feel less guilty for pushing something on him that he could do perfectly fine on his own, such as tying his laces or picking out his own outfits. It also forced Kun to stop babying him as much; he appreciated times where he could do things by himself.

It was a successful plot, he thought. If only he could have true freedom, though. That was at the top of the list of things he had yet to find a way to achieve, even above _'how to step down from the crown without being a disappointment to the family'_. His coronation was in less than a year now, the date being of his twenty-first birthday, only ten months away; he was losing time, slowly but surely.

He longed to see with his own eyes and perspective what the world looked like outside the walls of the castle, how life was in his own kingdom. He wanted to experience it for himself, to be able to live his life as he wanted, but was there a way he could get freedom for real? Many ideas had brewed in his head, yet all of them were scrapped because of flaws found and hefty consequences. He was beginning to lose heart.

He traipsed to his bedroom, only a double door away. Renjun noticed that the grand curtains were now pulled closed, no longer revealing the wide glass panes, and the flowers decorating his room held droplets in their delicate petals and leaves. It must've been Kun that did it, dedicated to working hard and keeping his job.

Renjun put out the flames to the opulent ceiling lanterns before tucking himself under the white covers of his bed, his eyes eventually fluttering shut, dissolving the stress of the crown with darkness. Not long after, he entered a dream where he soared high through the azure skies alongside feathered friends.

☁️☀️☁

Renjun awakened to warm sunshine leaking through the windows as morning bloomed, the light scattering across the potted gardenias and reflecting off of glass bottles. Kun was there again, tying thick white ribbon onto golden-hued curtain sheets with white lace accents.

Renjun threw off his comforter, turning his body towards the older man. "How was your rest?" he asked, attempting small talk with him.

Kun pivoted to face him, placing his right hand over his heart and bowing. "I slept most soundly, Your Highness. I thank you kindly. How about you, Prince Renjun?"

The royal answered him, saying he had good dreams the night prior as he replaced his nightwear with the royal attire he was required to wear when outside his room.

He wore a cobalt blue waistcoat with a paisley print and golden embellishments, a thin golden ribbon necktie atop a milky white dress shirt with gold accented cuffs, paired with ivory slacks and a pair of slightly uncomfortable ebony leather dress shoes (perhaps he was still growing after all and needed a new pair soon).

He untangled his hair with his fingers in front of the dresser's mirror before pacing towards the door, pausing to take one last look at one of the full-length mirrors. He was pleased with what he saw and promptly set out for breakfast.

Renjun met Donghyuck on the mahogany staircase that lead down to the dining room, the two making brief eye contact in acknowledgement and respect before averting their gazes and completely disregarding each other. It was like this nearly every morning.

Their relationship was quite complicated and bordered on plain _awkward_ whenever one of them attempted to talk to the other about everyday topics. He missed the days of their childhood, when Renjun used to refer to Donghyuck as his baby brother, when they both hid in the younger’s room during thunderstorms and screamed at every crashing ‘boom’ (Donghyuck was the only one actually scared by thunder; Renjun had just played along every time). But those days were long gone now, their individual responsibilities as princes having taken priority over all else, including their relationship.

Striding through the imposing doors to the grand dining hall, already opened for them, they seated themselves on opposite sides of the table, the king and queen sitting at the head of it.

Breakfast was silent and peaceful for the most part as they ate. The brothers had finished hastily, having eaten at a much faster pace than their parents who were growing a bit old. Their plates were taken away by servants as they waited patiently for the king and queen.

It was decidedly quiet until his parents started to babble to each other about Renjun being the next ruler. They seemed to have been making an effort to whisper to each other about his crystal heart, though he was sure _everyone_ at the table could hear, for both he and Donghyuck had equally good hearing while the king and queen were slowly losing theirs. They spoke of how he was fragile and needed to be protected, a mindset ingrained in them about his heart since he was young.

It triggered a certain memory to wash over him. Renjun recalled how, as a little child, he had tried playing a game of tag with a few of the pages who were around his age. It had been fun until, in the middle of being chased, his heart had started hurting so much that he dropped on his knees and keeled over. He had clutched onto his shirt with his small and puny hands in response to the tight grasp on his heart, as if trying to pry off whatever force it had been that caused his affliction.

(He couldn't remember the exact details of what happened after that, for the frame that was supposed to follow was the only fragment of the scene that was blurry in Renjun's mind; the agonizing pain and the intense fear that bubbled in his chest must have been his only focus at the time. He could only assume he had been crying from it all.)

The royal doctor had been called right away, and it was then that they all discovered the peculiar fact: Renjun didn't have a heart of flesh, but rather a heart of crystal. Renjun hadn't been allowed to perform any kind of 'heavy' exercise ever since, nor had he been allowed outside the stone boundary of the castle grounds _ever._

The queen then continued her low-toned speech, bringing him back to the present. "Perhaps we should reconsider, dear. I wouldn't want Renjun, our _baby_ , to be in danger. His body is so frail and weak, like his heart—"

Renjun heard the sharp sound of a chair screech against the polished floor before he grasped that it was him who was now standing. He wondered when his hands had begun gripping the tablecloth so harshly that his knuckles threatened to turn white. He could feel their collective gazes on him, bemused with his odd behaviour. He was shocked with himself, to be honest.

Renjun _ran_. He bolted to the exit, pulling open both of the heavy doors with ease due to his scarily spiking adrenaline. _So much for being weak_ , he thought spitefully. He heard his mother shout his name, though it was in vain as the booming of the doors greatly overshadowed her voice.

To the courtyard he sprinted, his favourite area within the castle grounds. His feet moved in the direction of the fountains, tucked away behind several high hedges and flowerbeds, making it the most secluded spot of all.

He hadn't made it quite as far as he'd hoped when he felt his heart begin to _squeeze._ He tripped over his own feet, landing on the cushioning grass, and soon towering over him were a pair of guards.

Before they could even think of dragging him to the doctor, Renjun coughed out his protest against doing so. He wheezed as he strictly ordered them to not alert his parents, or _anyone,_ of this. They didn't see _anything_.

Shortly after, his heart began to slow back to its regular pace and the ache in his chest subsided with it. Once he deemed himself ready to continue moving, he carefully righted himself once again, and after sharing confused looks the guards defeatedly slumped back to their posts.

In a similar fashion, he dragged his feet the rest of the way to his destination, caring not for the dirt dusting brown flecks on his dark shoes nor the lime streaks of grass stains on his knees.

He sat down on the cobbled stone ground surrounding the tiered fountain, resting his arms on the smooth ledge. He scooted closer so he could see his reflection in the pool, rippling as water splashed from above. It quelled his vexation rather easily; he realized he shouldn't stay angry with the king and queen for long, and besides the fact that it was supposedly bad for his heart, they were _his parents_.

He should have been glad that they were thinking of revoking his right to the throne; he wouldn't have to be so distressed about leading his people. But for the reason to be because of his heart, thinking he was a weak man just because one part of him was crystal, it was even worse of a reason than the several his brother had given him.

Renjun knew Donghyuck was a much better candidate than he was, stronger in both body and willpower. Couldn't they have said that as their reasoning instead? Couldn't they not belittle him to nothing but a frail heart? He was _sure_ his brother had heard as he did, and he could only guess that the younger was upset that his efforts of being the perfect heir had gone seemingly unnoticed.

Life just wasn't _fair._

It was then that a thought manifested in his mind, one that drowned out all sound around him as he curled in on himself: he was being petty now, and maybe he had always been the petty one out of the two princes.

☁️☀️☁

Jaemin was a knight that frequented the castle, and he was one of Renjun's only friends. They had been same-age friends since they were ten years old, when Jaemin had first come to the castle to train. He always made an effort to visit the castle as often as twice or sometimes even thrice a week to keep Renjun from being too lonely, and also so he himself wasn't too bored.

One afternoon, the two of them were sitting under a tree in the castle grounds, minor sunlight peeking through the branches and leaves. Jaemin was clad in his glistening iron-plated armour excluding the helmet, a sword at his side like always. Renjun was venting to him about how he didn’t want to be king as per usual, except he made a slip-up and mentioned _that time_ , when a few days ago he had made a break for the courtyard and did more than his heart could handle without acting up.

It made Jaemin's calm expression turn into one of worry in an instant. He stared at Renjun dead in the eyes and reminded him (for the hundredth time) that he could _die_ from that, and there was little the knight could do to protect him from something like that, especially since he wasn't always by the prince's side.

Renjun had to reassure the other that it was _fine_ , that _he_ was fine. This happened to him quite a lot, and nothing out of the ordinary arose from that incident, so by past standards _he was fine._

Jaemin sighed, saying that he couldn't help but be concerned about Renjun's wellbeing. The conversation had been left at that.

The following day Renjun saw Jaemin again under the same tree, evidently waiting for him to come out of his study. This wasn’t an unusual occurrence, with Renjun always wasting away in there completing his paperwork.

Today had been filled with signing documents, along with reviewing the affairs and relations they had with their neighbouring countries. It wasn't exactly the most exciting work one could do, so he was glad that Jaemin was often there to brighten up his days.

Renjun ambled towards the tree and saw the other wave at him as he approached him. He laid down on the lush grass next to Jaemin, a calm breeze washing over him and tousling his hair.

Their silence was enjoyable, but Renjun was confused at how Jaemin had yet to say a word to him. The other had been waiting for him for a reason, right? That wasn't always the case, but he could tell from Jaemin's furrowed brows that there was something of importance on his mind.

Then, Jaemin began, “I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and…” Renjun gave him a slight hum, a cue for him to keep going.

Renjun wondered what it could be that made Jaemin hesitate in front of him. What, was he thinking of getting married and settling down? With whom? But Jaemin was only nineteen!

Jaemin sighed, effectively scattering his thoughts. “Would you consider running away with me?” Renjun's eyes widened at the statement. "No one outside the castle would recognize us, since I always wear my helmet in public and you've never left the castle before. We could live normal lives."

He was surprised Jaemin would even suggest that, and he sat up to face him. “Why would I do that? You know, if that were to become a reality, you’d be giving up your honour as a knight of the Order,” he argued. He knew Jaemin had worked really hard to become a knight before he was even eighteen years old, to be known as a prodigal knight, so how could he simply make all that hard work go to waste?

Jaemin shook his head. “I _do_ know, I just don’t _care_ about the Order. The only reason I even wanted to become a knight was to protect you. And I _know_ you’ve thought about running away before, even if you’ve never told me, so in the end you’re just as crazy as I am.”

“I never called you crazy—“

“It’s obvious you aren’t happy living like this, so why won’t you do something about it?” he said, not even batting an eye as he interrupted Renjun.

“But what if something goes wrong—”

“Nothing will go wrong, because you’ll have me.“ There was a sense of both optimism and finality in Jaemin’s voice. Not many dared to use a tone like that towards royalty, but Jaemin was Jaemin, ever the assertive person, and Renjun was okay with it as long as it was him.

In the end, Renjun told Jaemin he would think about it. And he did. He found so many ways _any_ plans of running away could go wrong, and yet he was _still_ debating with himself on whether to take Jaemin up on his offer or not.

Jaemin had basically told him to just have faith in him. Renjun knew that the idea might _seem_ naïve, but he also knew that Jaemin wasn’t stupid, at least when it came to strategizing and making plans.

There was something about the other boy that made him believe everything would be alright, but he couldn’t quite place his finger on what. Maybe it was his confidence, or maybe it was because they were close friends. Maybe he just _wished_ that everything would work out in their favour.

Either way, all the other plans he had brainstormed of involved him going on his own, so this plan had its chance of working with Jaemin on his side. He sure hoped that would be the case.

And with strong hopes, Renjun threw caution to the wind and made up his mind. If he didn't do it now, he'd end up never doing it at all and would regret not taking the chance. He was going to run away from the castle—escape from the cage his parents had called 'protection' before a figurative cloth would be thrown atop it and veil his chance of seeing the world forever—and he was going to trust Jaemin on this one.

The sun was on the verge of setting and he needed to let Jaemin know he had decided. He went over to the stables, careful to not move quicker than a speed-walking pace, dearly hoping Jaemin hadn't left the castle for the night already. It turned out that luck was on his side as he found Jaemin running his fingers through his chestnut brown stead's flaxen mane.

"Sir Jaemin!" Renjun called out as he was approaching the knight. He made sure to not say it loudly enough that the nearby guards would have newly aroused interest, or even worse would scare Chip. That was the nickname of Jaemin's horse, lovingly named Chipmunk.

Jaemin spun around, a growing grin on his face. "Renjun!" he called back, and Renjun winced as the soldiers he had tried so hard to not alert now gazed at them curiously.

Had he not gotten the signal to at least call him back using his title? Renjun was fine with Jaemin calling him by his given name when they were alone, but couldn't he call him by his title when they were in public? He was sure if Jaemin called him without some sort of honorific in front of his parents they would throw a fit. Perhaps not his father though, since the man had personally knighted Jaemin himself. The king thus had a soft spot for him, but Renjun wasn't sure if that went to the extent of being able to call the crown prince by his first name alone.

"Why are they looking at us weird?" Jaemin asked when Renjun finally arrived at his side, as if he hadn't been the reason for it in the first place.

"They're looking at us weird because you called me _Renjun_. Without saying my title. Loudly, too." At least, that’s what he _assumed_ the reason was.

"Oh, my apologies. Then 'Your Highness, Huang Renjun, first prince of Frella’ should work fine. Would you prefer me to call you that instead?" he quipped playfully. Renjun fought the urge to roll his eyes, for the action was unfit of a royal. Just that final time, though. Just that final time would he restrain himself from being 'rude'.

“That’s going to be the last time you ever call me that,” Renjun spoke casually. Jaemin’s eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets for a good second, and suddenly he was more attentive to Renjun than he was already.

Jaemin made sure to wait for when no one was paying close attention before leaning closer to Renjun so he was breathing on his ear. “You’re really going to...?” Jaemin murmured, trailing off on his question, but it was clear to him what he was asking. Renjun only nodded in response.

Jaemin backed away from Renjun quickly, but not before sneaking him a folded slip of paper, or rather, _two_ , judging from the thickness. Renjun got the hint to hide it, tucking it as discreetly as possible in his pant pocket. “Is this...?” _The plan._

“Read it when you’re in private,” Jaemin said in a low voice, before switching to his regular volume of speech. “I won’t be coming to the castle tomorrow, but I promise I’ll come back for you soon. Quite soon, in fact. Farewell, Your Highness.” Jaemin hopped onto his horse and sent Renjun a wink before putting on his helmet and setting off to the gates.

Renjun sauntered back to his study, a quiet smile on his face, wondering what genius plan Jaemin had concocted this time.

☁️☀️☁️

Renjun had forgotten all about the marriage interviews he had today. They had been held in the royal greenhouse this time, and it had taken him all day to get through all of them. Most of his time in the greenhouse was spent studying the various flowers and plant species by eye and recalling their many names; he hadn't paid much attention to the ladies whom he was supposed to engage in conversation with. 

There were several women from powerful noble families across the kingdom that had attempted to court him in order to marry into the royal family, but in addition to the fact that he was uninterested in marrying any of them (although he _could_ admit they were all pretty with their lavish gowns, charming hairstyles and all), he was going to run away from the crown the night after tonight.

On the trek back to his study, he pondered on what would happen to him if he were to stay, if Jaemin hadn't asked him to run away with him.

His parents might try to force him into an arranged marriage since he had once again found no one suitable to become his fiancé, and he would surely hate that. If he were to marry someone he would want to marry them of his own accord; arranged marriages gave you no choice—no freedom—and that's why Renjun wanted to escape an arranged marriage at all costs.

He would be not only bound to the crown for good but also to _another person_ , one who he might not find complementary to him, and for the rest of his life at that, the former being a fear of his while the latter he just couldn't fathom. It was part of why he wanted to escape in the first place.

The main reason was that he wished he wasn’t born as a prince at all. It was too burdensome of a birthright to carry a whole nation as its future king. He just wanted to live a normal life as a citizen, to be able to see his fellow people live normal lives, and to experience the same things they did without restriction. Wasn't that something reasonable for him to want?

"How did the consultations go, brother? As plain as always, I assume?” Renjun pivoted a complete 180 degrees to find Donghyuck leaning against a pillar while holding a pretty bloom, twirling it between his thumb and index finger.

Knowing the younger prince, Renjun could tell Donghyuck's question held a double meaning. "It's not that I find the women unbeautiful. Just the whole _courting_ aspect of it was a bore," he answered.

Donghyuck hummed, eyes still focused on the delicate flower, which he recognized now as a yellow carnation. "You'll need to find _The One_ quick, lest mother and father send you blind into a loveless marriage, and where would be the joy in that?"

"Why, thank you brother for stating the obvious," Renjun said, sarcasm evident in his voice.

"But really, dear older brother, with that crystal heart of yours," Donghyuck began, albeit with a slight frown on his face, as if debating whether he should continue his words at all. It was an odd look on him, a side of him Renjun hadn't been shown in a decade. "Do you believe you can actually _handle_ a marriage of true romantic love? I don't mean to be condescending, by the way. I'm simply curious about what you think."

Donghyuck truly must've forgotten all about keeping up his front of hatred towards him as his expression mirrored one that looked of concern, making Renjun delve deep into his headspace to think seriously of this all the more.

He had never known what love, in its romantic sense, felt like. His 'feelings' had not sprouted for anyone, and he figured that wasn't going to change soon. It definitely wouldn't change if he let himself get bound in an arranged marriage. What if his heart of crystal merely wasn't capable of romantic feelings? He could only dream of it, imagining all sorts of possible combinations of tastes and scents in slumber. Did love even have a taste or scent attached to it?

Renjun gave his brother not a real answer but a smile, and a genuine one at that. "We're all curious around here, aren't we?"

☁️🌙☁️

The moon cast its light on sheets of paper, inked with messages, on Renjun's wooden desk. He dropped his pen back into its ink holder, satisfied with his pile of letters. It was well into the wee hours of the morning when he finished penning his last letter, which was for his brother. He had written letters for everyone who lived or worked in the castle: his parents, all the royal servants as a whole, a collective letter to the guards, and Donghyuck.

It seemed necessary for him to write letters for them all since he would probably never see them again after tomorrow night. He couldn't simply go without saying his thanks and goodbyes; it wouldn't sit right with him and he'd most likely regret not writing his closure. He was letting go of his title as the first prince, and they deserved to know why.

It was 'for the best', as he'd written in his letters. He had then elaborated that he wasn't suited to be king at all, and gave his parents the _right_ reasons as to why they should give the crown to Donghyuck instead of him. He wrote that he had decided to live his life the way he wanted and, to achieve that, he'd need to run away. He didn't care that what he was doing was horribly selfish of him, and made certain to mention that in his writing.

Donghyuck's letter was the shortest yet the most difficult for Renjun to write. Its body was comprised of only six sentences, a measly amount compared to the several pages he had written for the other letters.

The first, second and third were filled with a favourite childhood memory, the fourth was an apology, the fifth was a goodbye, telling him not to blame himself for anything, and the last was to tell him he still loved him after everything (platonically, of course).

He didn't bother with an explanation, for he was sure the younger prince already knew that it was because he didn't want the crown. He just hoped Donghyuck would know that his past words weren't the reason Renjun was leaving.

He had written without using much of the flowery language which he was taught to use, thinking it best to write raw what he was feeling to get his point across. Besides, Donghyuck wouldn't like having to read through the lines of his letter only to find that its root was so utterly simple: Renjun loved him, and would still love him even as they were spread distances apart.

Renjun folded the papers into threes to make makeshift envelopes. After sealing them with his cobalt wax, he then stuck them in a place he was sure Kun wouldn't be able to find them in: a heavy encyclopedia he had laying about in his room. He had never seen the man open it, even out of curiosity, only dusting off the front cover occasionally. Hopefully that wouldn’t change within the next day.

After ensuring that the letters couldn't be seen from the outside, Renjun tucked himself in bed and succumbed to sleep effortlessly, too tired to stay awake any longer. Soon would come the day that the plan will commence.

☁️🌙☁️

Tonight, Renjun yet again stayed up late enough to greet the fully-risen moon. It was the night he had been waiting for. Tonight, he was going to escape.

Renjun waited in bed, still under the covers, for Jaemin to climb up to Renjun’s window. While he was at it he reviewed the plan in his head, having read over the original and backup plans enough times to commit them to memory. The plan was so bold and reckless, so _simple_ , he was surprised by the fact that Jaemin had actually written it.

They were to sneak out after everyone had gone to their quarters and fallen asleep. Jaemin had someone who apparently owed him a great favour, and to repay the knight they would help them out of the castle grounds through the front gate, which was the only way one could enter or leave.

Jaemin hadn’t mentioned who it was that would be helping them, so Renjun wasn’t sure if he could trust them. He recalled that this was the only part of the plan without a backup solution, so it was obvious they would be relying on this person a lot. That made Renjun feel uneasy and worried, but he trusted Jaemin, and if Jaemin trusted this person then that was just how it was.

Jaemin would have his horse tied to a tree in the forest on the opposite side of the castle, the side which faced away from the rest of the buildings in the capital, so they would have to tread around the outside of the castle’s stone boundaries and through the woods to get to their mode of transportation. From there they would get out of the range of the capital and set off on the road to the next town.

_Knock. Knock knock knock._

Renjun rose up from his bed and turned in the direction of the sound to find Jaemin lightly tapping at the glass balcony door with his knuckles, mouthing at him to open up. He did as such, even though he had already unlocked the door for Jaemin to open from the outside, as he had been instructed to in the boy's written plan. He searched for Jaemin’s expression and found him remembering that with a sheepish smile.

Letting Jaemin come inside, Renjun noticed how he wasn’t wearing any of his metal armour except for the sword attached to his side, sporting brown commoner’s clothes instead, with his trousers tucked into leather boots. Jaemin had also brought some sort of cloth-wrapped bundle along with him, and Renjun wondered how he had climbed up here with it.

Placing the bundle on the large bed, Jaemin unknotted it to reveal a set of cotton clothes, the top burgundy in colour while the bottoms were a fawn brown.

Renjun, needing no more explanation, took them in hand and moved to the opposite side of the room, telling Jaemin to look away while he changed. Jaemin nodded before turning to face in the direction of the curtain-covered windows, choosing to sit on Renjun’s bed where the bundle had been just prior.

"Are you sure this plan will work?" Renjun asked, wondering if Jaemin truly thought they could pull this off.

"Do you have a problem with it?" Jaemin challenged, a lightness in his voice.

"It's just that it's so simple, even a child could've come up with it. It's unlike you," he reasoned as he undressed himself of his sleeping garments. He slipped on the commoner trousers, which proved to be more comfortable than he had originally thought they would be.

" _Unlike me?_ I'm plenty simple, 's just that my plans are complex."

"And you couldn't do that for this one?" Renjun rose a brow, even though Jaemin wouldn't be able to see it.

Jaemin tsked. "My dear, dear Renjunnie, sometimes simple is best—if your plan's too detailed or difficult, then you can't have as many backup plans in case something doesn't go your way," he explained _._ "Just to let you know, I spent quite some time thinking of all those scenarios and fall-backs."

At that, Renjun had to admit he had a point; the other had been quite meticulous in his secondary plans. He should've given Jaemin some more credit there.

“It’s not too late to back out, you know,” Jaemin said hesitantly. “You’ll be leaving behind the luxurious life of a royal forever,” he reasoned, still surveying the grand chamber.

“Before, you were convincing me to run away with you, and _now_ you ask me if I want to back out?” Renjun teased, pulling the lace-up v-neck shirt Jaemin had given him over his head. It was just a tad too large around the shoulders, he found.

After adjusting the shirt, he mumbled to the knight that he could turn around now. Jaemin heeded his words and did so, giving Renjun a quick once-over before returning to look around the room. It was as if he was purposefully avoiding Renjun's gaze.

“I just want to make sure I’m not forcing you to do this. This’ll be the start of a new chapter of your life, after all,” Jaemin said, his soft and quiet voice floating to his ears, almost as though he was unsure of himself. Renjun wasn’t sure he liked to hear Jaemin, the ever-confident knight, sound unsure of himself. (Maybe Jaemin just wasn’t as confident as he made himself out to be.)

Renjun paused, collecting his thoughts, before saying, “I’m sure. I want to live freely, on my own path.” He made sure to speak with confidence, to reassure Jaemin that he was choosing this for himself.

“Okay.” It came as a mumble, Renjun’s ears barely making out the word, and, even though it came as a reply to him, Renjun felt as though he had eavesdropped on something he wasn’t meant to hear, like it was only meant for Jaemin himself.

Lifting the heavy encyclopedia that was supposed to contain his letters onto the bed, Renjun was pleased to have found them still there and intact. He laid them out on his bed neatly, catching Jaemin watching him as he did this, but Renjun didn’t pay him any mind. There were five letters altogether, and each had his blue wax seal on them.

"Oh, that reminds me." Jaemin put his hand in his pocket and fished out a crisp letter. "To His Majesty," he said, placing the letter beside Renjun's others.

When Jaemin asked if there was anything he wanted to take with him on their journey, Renjun rummaged through his desk drawers to find a quill pen and two inkwells, along with about a centimeter’s worth of paper.

He had gotten the idea to send Donghyuck letters every now and again about how he's been, since he had recently discovered that his younger brother cared for him more than he had previously let on, and to do that he would, of course, need to bring along things to write _with_.

As Jaemin knotted the bundle up again, now carrying the writing supplies, he said they could just buy more in the towns if he ran out. That led Renjun to question Jaemin on the topic of money, to which he vaguely replied, “I have more money than you might think.”

“Are we ready to go now?” Jaemin finally inquired after Renjun slipped his feet into some boots.

Renjun took one last wistful glance at the mini calendar on his desk. The date was May 15th, and that would be the day he'd forever remember as the one where he finally ran away from royalty's clutches.

"Yes," he answered determinedly. "I'm ready."

"Then let's go," Jaemin said, opening the door to the balcony and sauntering through it. He looked back over his shoulder at Renjun, moonlight casting gently on his dewy skin, his lashes fluttering against his highlighted cheekbones elegantly as he blinked.

This was far from the first time Renjun thought that Jaemin looked like a prince.

He always thought Jaemin had the looks, and the strength, and the charisma, and the intelligence, and the love for his country—he had the whole package, essentially, only missing the birthright. Jaemin was probably a better candidate for the throne than he ever was, and would make a great king.

He forewent that thought, however, as he burned Jaemin's next expression into his memory. There was a mirthful grin on his face as if he was having the time of his life, as if this was _fun_ , and it was then Renjun knew that Jaemin was living in the moment, and that he should be too. _Should_ be. He wanted to be.

"Follow the plan?"

Renjun gave him a quick nod of the head, and as soon as he did the other made a swift descent down the thick rope. After dropping the bundle over the balcony railing for Jaemin to catch from below, Renjun followed suit, albeit at a much slower pace than Jaemin.

Renjun traced Jaemin's steps carefully, which were in the blind spots of the guards on duty. It helped that there was minimal lighting around, letting them use the cover of night to slip past the soldiers without a hitch.

It wasn't before long that the two reached the front gates. It would have been easier to avoid the gates entirely and climb over the wall or whatnot, except that plan had been immediately disregarded because Jaemin knew well that Renjun couldn't climb to save his life, and there was his heart to consider as well—climbing might be too straining for him since he wasn't used to exerting energy and using his strength as much as a future king should've been.

The gate pulled open without much resistance, or with any resistance at all actually, even though the gates were made of a metal so heavy that croaked and screeched whenever opened. It didn't take long for them to figure out someone was helping to push the gates from the outside.

"Sir Jaemin, Prince Renjun. Or should I say just Jaemin and Renjun? It's a fine night out here, isn't it?" The voice that greeted them was one Renjun recognized easily and, as soon as he realized it was _him_ who they were relying on, Renjun began to see why Jaemin had put so much trust in him, because this person was someone whom he trusted too. Lee Jeno, one of the guards and one of their friends.

The main thing he had learned about Jeno throughout the years was that he showed great loyalty to the crown and to his friends. The first thing he had learned about Jeno was his name and that he was close friends with Jaemin long since before coming to the castle. He wasn’t sure what Jaemin had helped Jeno with in the past to be deserving of this great a favour, to make him go against the king even, but he didn't question it.

"What's with that, are you trying to sound cool?" Jaemin said with a cheeky grin, nudging Jeno with his elbow.

Jeno cracked a gentle smile. "Perhaps," he admitted, scratching at his nape.

They promptly closed the gate behind them, at a snail's pace so as to not awaken the other guard that was supposed to be on duty with Jeno, currently sleeping while leaning upright on the stone wall. Renjun wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing for one of the gate guards to be snoozing on the job.

When Jeno caught Renjun looking, he explained. "Ah, I usually tell him to wake up every now and again, but I let him sleep just this once because of your escape."

"Don't you think you might end up getting sleepy by just listening to him snore?" Renjun said.

"Like a lullaby? I'll have to be careful," Jeno replied.

Renjun smiled. "Don't slack off on the job, Lee Jeno."

"Right."

A moment later Jaemin pulled Jeno away and hastily handed him an item of some sort, though Renjun had no clue as to what it could be. He could only make out the words 'I know… when you do… my plan'.

Just what could Jaemin have meant by those words? Was what he had given Jeno a part of some large-scale scheme of his? Was that scheme related to this one? In the end, Renjun cut off his curiosity and chose to forget the snippets of what he had seen and heard, for it was impossible to piece the puzzle together when he was missing half of the pieces.

It was then that they all heard a distant yell from a guard posted at the west wing, the wing which Renjun and Jaemin had just sneaked past, to another nearby guard. "Hey, don't you think something seems off tonight? We should go check it out."

Jeno quickly pushed them out of sight and whisper-shouted for them to _go_ , a desperate and pleading look in his eyes. It took them a split-second to comprehend the situation before they began their strides towards the forest. Only a couple meters away, Renjun turned back to mouth a 'thank you' to Jeno. He could just barely make out Jeno smiling in the darkness, eyes crinkling. And then Renjun went.

Leaves rustled softly in their ears as they made their way through the trees and shrubbery; Renjun couldn't see anything through the veil of darkness, including where to place his steps. All he could do was hold onto Jaemin’s hand and trust him, but that came all too naturally to Renjun. He was sure he would trust Jaemin with his life, for as many times as called for.

Before long, they reached their mode of transportation: Chip, who had a large saddle and two bags on either side of him. Jaemin opened one of them and stuffed the bundle of Renjun's things in there.

According to the plan, Renjun mounted Chipmunk as Jaemin untied the rope attaching him to a tree, whispering softly his greetings and petting the horse's head, Jaemin getting on himself soon after.

They then heard the clamouring of the soldiers swiftly approaching them, and in response Jaemin told Chip to giddy up, snapping the reins lightly. And then they were riding with the wind and under the stars, they and the moonlight as their only light source.

With the shaking of the trees, the faint whistling of the wind in his ears, Renjun now knew why Jaemin had looked as though he was enjoying himself earlier. He found that this was _exhilarating_. It was the burst of harmless excitement pumping through his veins as they successfully escaped, simply unignorable, that forced him to live in the moment. 

He liked this feeling.


	2. Chapter 2

☁️☀️☁️

Renjun wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, but when he woke up and raised his head off Jaemin's shoulders, he found the sun had long risen. Chipmunk was in a trot, having slowed down greatly since Renjun last remembered being awake.

Jaemin had told him that by the time he woke up they would most likely be at the second village over, but in response Renjun had said that it was practically impossible to fall asleep with all the bumps of Chip's fast pacing. And so he stayed awake until his exhaustion won out and his eyelids grew too heavy for him to keep peeled open any longer. Jaemin probably slowed Chip then, so as to not awaken him. He only hoped that he hadn't hindered their travelling much.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Jaemin said groggily, accompanied by a long yawn. “We’re nearly there now. I think we’re far away enough to get some good rest.“ Renjun only hummed in response, not sure of what he could say.

He could see houses from here, with their walls made of cobblestone and their peaked roofs a chocolate-brown colour. They were only a few minutes away at most. He couldn't deny his growing excitement—his eyes yearned to see the peopleand buildings and lifestyle there, how it would differ from what he was used to. People would talk to him like he was any other person, would treat him like any other person, and to be honest he was glad to be treated normally than to be put on a royal pedestal. And he was glad that it was so close—only a little while longer he'd get to see it and Jaemin could finally get some well-deserved rest.

They entered the village without a hitch; no one had recognized them and the news of their escape hadn't reached here yet, much to their relief. They were safe here, for now, it seemed.

Renjun was _awestruck_ with what he saw, feeling his jaw drop at the small village. Jaemin swung his legs to one side and hopped off Chip's back before helping Renjun get down. _Oh_ did his lower back hurt when he finally set both feet on the ground, but he was all too distracted by the sight in front of him to care. He spun around like a top and beheld all of the town that his eyes could reach from this point, from the pigeons perched on the street lamps and the edges of the roofs to the children chasing each other with grass in their hair and dirt smeared on their cheeks.

The atmosphere was so different here compared to in the castle—it felt collectively happy and lively, the people here looked almost carefree, and it lived up to his expectations of what he thought it to be like outside the castle.

"I wish I could've taken you to see the capital," Jaemin said, and Renjun stopped his spinning at the words, stumbling a little bit from the leftover momentum. "The capital at noon is so pretty to see, with all the people out and talking and doing business…"

"But isn't it the same here? There are people out here," Renjun said, his head whipping back and forth to look at the townspeople and he had to admit he was regretting spinning so much, for a sharp pang of dizzy pain pierced through his skull like an arrow.

He didn't know what Jaemin was going on about, this place seemed nice, the people looked happy. Plenty nice, and plenty happy. He'd be more than alright living in a place like this.

Jaemin shook his head. "Of course there are people here, but in the capital...it feels almost _magical._ To be in the middle of it all."

Renjun quirked an eyebrow at him, clearly not convinced. How different could it really be? "Whatever you say, Jaemin."

Jaemin turned his head left and right as if searching for something, and then he stopped as if having found it. Renjun followed his gaze and saw a few stands up in one of the streets with vibrant coloured produce in their carts.

"We have to stock up on provisions. If we want to live, we have to eat," Jaemin explained as they made their way towards the stands.

He spectated idly as Jaemin swiftly searched for the perfect fruits and vegetables in the heaps and piles, dropping them in a linen bag one by one. And when he was done, he mumbled for Renjun to just watch since the former prince didn't know how to pay. And so Renjun watched as Jaemin took a single gold coin out of the leather pouch and dropped it into the saleswoman's outstretched palm, getting a few silver coins in return. It was the first time Renjun had seen money being exchanged.

When they finally left the street with a bag full of provisions, from eggs to loaves of bread to vegetables, Jaemin said he couldn't really tell if he was being swindled, for his brain hadn't been at full capacity (and still wasn't), he could only hope that they would be nice or at least take pity on him because he looked horrible.

Jaemin sounded as dead as he looked saying that, and Jaemin looked half-dead, dark circles visible underneath his eyes, his hair messy and dishevelled from the ride. He was running on his last reserves of energy, Renjun could tell, barely able to even drag his feet on the ground.

"You look like a mess," Renjun commented.

"I sure _feel_ like a mess. I seriously need some good sleep—I haven't slept for more than two hours at a time since you said yes to escaping with me," Jaemin admitted.

"Wait, I said yes _three_ whole days ago, and now you're saying _this?"_ Renjun exclaimed. "How many hours have you slept?" He hadn't been able to spot Jaemin's eyebags on the night of their escape, but he reasoned it must've been too dark for him to see.

"Gosh, you're really expecting me to calculate that in my current state… I stayed up all night the first day, slept two hours in the afternoon...slept two hours at night...I don't even know anymore."

Renjun rolled his eyes. "Okay, so you need sleep," he concluded. "We need to find an inn, then." Jaemin hummed in agreement, nodding gratefully.

Jaemin took two of the apples he had bought and gave one to Chip as a snack and crunching on other one himself. While Jaemin was doing that, Renjun took it upon himself to collect his courage and ask one of the townspeople where the inn was. They pointed him to the main street and told him to turn down there and look for The Shepherd's Inn. And so they did.

They walked their horse to the stable attached to the side of the inn, paid some more money (after which Renjun somehow obtained the pouch of money from Jaemin, and he didn't really know what to do with it), and left Chip with his temporary caretaker after petting him once more and saying goodbye.

Then they both pushed open the door to the inn, stepping inside the small and narrow foyer—more like a hallway, really—that lead to the lobby. Everything was made from the same reddish-brown wood, worn-down yet clean of dust, from the front counter to the stairway.

The man behind the counter was most likely the owner of the establishment, his hair greyed and the corners of his eyes wrinkled from old age, and the rack behind him that he protected held numerous keyrings. On the desk was an alabaster vase of vibrant blooms, a bellflower lamp and other, smaller trinkets of decor which Renjun could admire the simplistic beauty of.

"Welcome to The Shepherd's Inn. What room would you like? A two-bed or a one-bed? And for how many nights?" the innkeeper asked.

Renjun turned to Jaemin, who he found in a daze of sleep-deprivation and couldn't even keep up with anything happening. Renjun figured this was why Jaemin had given him the pouch of money: to pay on his own. That meant Renjun was also to decide for them their room.

Renjun debated on whether they _really_ needed a room with two beds, since it would probably be double the cost of one bed. While Jaemin had said they had a lot more money than he would think, Renjun wasn't sure if it was truly sustainable. Eventually, he decided that he wouldn’t need a bed for himself anyway, Jaemin would be the only one sleeping.

“Just one night, and a single bed will do,” Renjun said, taking one gold coin out of the heavy pouch Jaemin had temporarily entrusted to him and sliding it across the wooden counter. The man gave him nine silver and seven copper coins back in change before taking a room key hanging from a rack behind him.

That went smoother than he thought it would, considering the fact he had never once paid for anything all by himself before. He was rather proud of himself for his minor achievement.

“Right this way,” the innkeeper said, leading the two of them down the corridors before stopping in front of a room. He unlocked the door for them and handed Renjun the key before returning to watch the front desk again.

Renjun opened the door to reveal their temporary room, cast in golden shadows from the thin curtain sheets pulled. The room wasn't quite what one would call spacious, he'd call it small and mildly cramped, with a bed maybe half the size of his own (or rather what used to be his), a wooden chair and a nightstand with a lamp on the left side, and a small drawer and a flower vase on the right. Perhaps they could fit Chip in here with some room to spare. And then it struck him that this just might be a normal-sized room, with a normal-sized bed, and that he was just used to such large things because of his privileged lifestyle as prince.

"Hold on," Jaemin said, looking directly at the single bed through narrow eyes, as if something was _wrong_ with it. Renjun inspected the bed closer, trying to find a semblance of something out of place. Well, there was a minor chip in the wood's finish, and if he looked _really_ closely the sheets were ever so slightly off-white, but otherwise there was nothing.

"Why is there only one bed," Jaemin then grunted, facepalming. Oh, _that_ was what was 'wrong'. “What if they thought...” he continued, before trailing off.

“Thought what?” Renjun asked, confused. _What if they thought_ _what?_ Sleep-deprived Jaemin was saying some pretty weird things, he thought.

“Nothing,” Jaemin said, looking away from him. And so Renjun brushed it off as nothing just like Jaemin wanted.

"I could just sleep later, you know. I already slept on the way here, and for a long time too," Renjun said.

Jaemin frowned at him. "You couldn't have gotten very good sleep while on horseback. How you managed to fall asleep at all is beyond me," he said.

"I'm _fine,_ just get in the bed. Or I'll tuck you in like a baby," Renjun threatened jokingly. He began to push Jaemin in the direction of the bed, or at least attempted to. It worked, sort of, moving the taller boy a couple feet closer.

"What are you talking about, you don't even know how to tuck a baby in bed," Jaemin retorted, though reluctantly getting on the bed and pulling the covers over himself. And before Renjun knew it, Jaemin was out like a light.

Renjun sat himself in a chair by Jaemin's bedside, the wood creaking under his weight as he did, and watched as Jaemin slept soundly. While Jaemin had been correct in saying Renjun didn't know how to put a baby to sleep, he thought it would be a little something like this.

Jaemin looked so peaceful right now, and he'd almost make the mistake of calling him _defenseless_ if he didn't know that Jaemin hadn't even bothered to take his sword off from his side. He wondered how that could be comfortable—the other's leg must've landed on the scabbard while getting on the bed, but he left the sword as it was, for Jaemin _was_ comfortable somehow and he didn't want to disturb his well-earned rest.

This wasn't the first time he had seen Jaemin in this state—far from it, actually. The boy loved to nap while sitting against trees (which ought to have been bad for his back), always threw himself on the grass hoping it would be akin to a marshmallow and groaned in pain whenever he realized that _nope,_ it hadn't softened his fall whatsoever. Sometimes they'd be at the royal stables and Jaemin would get on the hay bales and tell Renjun he'd be getting some shut-eye and to wake him up before sundown. But this was the first time he had seen Jaemin sleeping in a real bed.

The face was the same, the slightly agape mouth was the same, the occasional snore was the same, but what the boy was sleeping on was _different._ It was familiar, and yet _different._ Soon enough it would all become familiar to him, he figured, as they would surely rest on beds at least now and again. And when they did Renjun would surely watch Jaemin sleep as he was doing now.

And while watching him sleep, Renjun ended up falling prey to the calm sound of Jaemin's soft snores and level breathing, his arms creating a dip into the mattress by Jaemin's side and his head resting on top of them.

☁️🌙☁️

After eating their midday dinner, which they had gone down to the inn's dining hall for (Jaemin had eaten so much as though absolutely starved—well, he _was,_ he hadn't eaten anything except for that apple and neither had Renjun—but Renjun still had his sense of decency ingrained in him), they were back on the road.

Jaemin had told him that night they would be camping out, and it might be like this for another week or so. Renjun had only told him he expected as much, since he couldn’t very well expect having the luxury of a bed when he had decided to run away and give it up.

Jaemin twisted back to face Renjun and smiled at him. He was glad that Jaemin was now rested enough to simply smile at him again. "Thought I'd let you know I'm going to make us our supper for tonight. It'll be the first time you try my cooking, won't it be?"

"Yes," Renjun replied. "It better be edible."

Jaemin's grin just grew. "Don't you worry your little head, Renjun. I know what I'm doing," he said, before focusing on the trail again.

"Sureyou do,"Renjun said teasingly. Jaemin didn't seem affected by the comment at all though, still beaming with confidence in his supposed skills, and Renjun hoped he was right to be confident. It made him gain high hopes for tonight's meal.

A few hours later, when the sun was beginning to set behind them, they stopped at a clearing in the forest they had entered, by a stream of water. Here would be the spot they set up camp for the night.

While Jaemin was making the fire and rigging a cooking grid above it, Renjun decided to take some time to explore the forest, cast in the orange of the setting sun.

He hopped over the tree roots like hurdles, felt the bark of the tree trunks as he used them to help balance himself, attempting to stand on one of the larger roots and teeter back and forth on the balls of his feet.

He tried to identify the animals as he spotted them—birds, hares, white-spotted deer. It was harder than he thought, since he’d only seen them in books up until this point. He saw chipmunks (the ones with the stripes were chipmunks, right?), and they made him snicker as these cute little creatures were what Jaemin had named Chip—as in the horse—after, of all things.

He encountered bugs, from beetles to caterpillars to centipedes, the bigger insects that he wouldn't have ever found in the castle—the servants would trample them for certain if they were found, and they quickly dispose of them before the royal family ever caught sight of them—and he wasn't scared in the slightest. Rather, he was _amazed._ He was amazed that he could see some of the insects that he used to read about in those heavy encyclopedias, one of which he used to keep in his room; he could see them for himself instead of just in books and illustrations.

When Renjun returned to the clearing and told Jaemin this, Jaemin mentioned how he was glad that Renjun wasn't scared, for it would make adjusting to sleeping outside much easier. It seemed Jaemin had been successful in igniting a fire to cook their meal, because now there was a small dancing flame in a pit of branches underneath the metal rack.

"Mind getting me some more wood?" Jaemin asked, still attending to the fire and fanning the flames.

"Of course," Renjun said determinedly, wanting to help out in any way he could. "Should I just grab some branches?"

"Yeah. Large twigs are okay too. Find the ones that have already fallen from their trees, the more-dead ones. The drier the better, since they'll burn easier," Jaemin said.

And so Renjun returned to where he had begun exploring, circling around the trees and collecting whatever branches he could find that met Jaemin's description. He searched quickly, wanting to get the branches back to Jaemin soon so he could begin on their dinner. It was also because the sun was setting now, the sky getting darker and darker, and he wouldn't be able to see without the help of light.

After he deemed himself to have collected enough branches, Renjun backtracked his way to their campsite, maneuvering around the sticking-out foliage and the not-so-obvious ditches.

"Oh, you're back already? That was fast," Jaemin said. Renjun, wanting to rid the weight of the branches from his arms, dropped them in a pile away from the fire. Jaemin came over and grabbed a couple branches and threw them into the fire, which engulfed the wood soon after.

"Are you going to cook now?" Renjun asked.

"You're hungry _already?"_ Jaemin asked back, cracking a smile. "You must be pretty eager to try my delicious cooking. Then I'll cook, I guess."

And so Jaemin went to work on their supper, taking out a cast iron pot he had filled with water (Jaemin must've got the water from the stream while Renjun had been getting the wood) and putting it on the fire to boil, before throwing in various chopped vegetables, herbs and spices. It seemed Jaemin was making tomato soup, judging from the dominant red colour in the pot.

Time had gone in a flash, the sun now replaced by little stars. Before Renjun knew it, Jaemin was taking the pot off the cooking grid, deeming the soup finished. He ladled the tomato-based soup into two small bowls, giving them both to Renjun to hold for now, along with two spoons, before returning to cook some eggs on a pan. Renjun sat down and put the bowl reserved for Jaemin in his lap, holding his own bowl of soup in his left hand with a spoon in his right. Then Renjun took a scoop, and ate.

Renjun found Jaemin's food to have a slight edge when compared with what he used to be served in the castle—no offense to the royal chef. His meals in the castle had been plenty good, very delicious, but Jaemin's food was filled with so much flavour that it made those meals in the castle seem bland in comparison.

He asked Jaemin for his secret, for he had never been served anything like this before, and Jaemin just replied that the secret was love, lots of bursting love that would translate into bursting flavour.

So what the food in the castle had lacked was love. But how did you even put love into a meal? When he asked, this time Jaemin simply shrugged, flipped the eggs, and said that you just think of someone you want to cook for, whether it was a family member or friend, or even a lover.

Jaemin then took the fried egg, sprinkled some herbs on it, and sandwiched it between two slices of rye bread, before slicing the sandwich diagonally into two. He came over and sat down beside Renjun, taking his bowl of soup in exchange for a sandwich, which Renjun wasted no time in taking a bite of.

Its taste combined with the residual tomatoes in his mouth was no short of heaven.

"This is...good?" Renjun said after chewing, looking at Jaemin and then back at the sandwich in his hand. The golden egg yolk was cooked but runny still, dripping down the edge of the sandwich, and that made it look all the more appetizing.

"Why are you saying it like it's a question," Jaemin said. "Were you seriously thinking it was going to be bad? _Of course_ it's good, _I'm_ the one who made it, after all."

"Woah, don't get ahead of yourself," Renjun said, resulting in a chuckle from Jaemin.

When they finished their scrumptious supper (that Renjun and Jaemin had taken seconds of), Jaemin fed the nearby animals with the minor leftovers of their soup, straining out the liquid and giving only the chunks of chopped veggies, which got eaten fairly quickly.

Then around their open fire came winged bugs with greenish-gold lights inside their bodies, buzzing around in a scattered yet magical fashion. Jaemin giggled at Renjun's sparkling eyes, glimmering in awe of the light show. Renjun thought the lights must've reflected in his eyes—they faintly shone in Jaemin's irises and on their skin.

"I don't blame you for being amazed," Jaemin said. Their little flashing lights were pretty, and Renjun thought that it was like they were dancing around the enticing flame. "They're called fireflies." _Fireflies,_ Renjun mentally repeated. He thought it was a fitting name; flies that crowd around the fire, pretty things that were attracted to the pretty flames.

Jaemin got out a large rolled-up blanket from one of the sacks attached to Chip's saddle. How he fit everything in there, Renjun had no idea, and told Jaemin as such, to which the boy replied by saying that he didn't know either—he had just tried shoving everything into the bags and it worked.

"Well, I admit that I had to repack the bags a couple of times to carry necessities, like clothes and a few emergency equipment items, because it didn't fit at first. But I figured it out somehow," Jaemin elaborated. Renjun hummed. Then Jaemin said, "I'm a bit worried that you'll get sick, since you're less used to the cold than I am. You know what, you can have the whole blanket tonight."

Renjun protested, obviously, and suggested instead, "Let's just share the blanket and stick close together all night."

Jaemin gave in easily and promptly sat down against a large tree, draping the blanket over himself and beckoning Renjun to join him.

"Isn't that going to hurt our backs?" Renjun asked. As one would expect, he wasn't too pleased with the prospect of pain first thing in the morning.

"Our backs _and_ our necks, but at least we can share warmth without laying on top of each other," Jaemin said. "Or would you rather that?"

Renjun blushed before quickly sitting down beside Jaemin and getting under the blanket. At first, they were barely grazing shoulders, but eventually Renjun scooted closer to Jaemin to make full use of the blanket, as it kept slipping off his shoulder and exposing his collar to the night chill, and put their sides flush against each other. Jaemin was _warm._ Very warm. He mumbled it to Jaemin, who just chuckled, and he could _feel_ it under the blanket, the soft rumble of the taller's chest.

And then Renjun, after an internal debate, rested his head on Jaemin's shoulder, and it was pretty comfortable. Jaemin was warm; Jaemin was comfortable.

It wasn't so bad, his first time sleeping out in the open, he thought.

And then Renjun fell asleep.

☁️☀️☁️

It was a bright summer day, newly June. The sky was a vibrant azure and partially cloudy, the sun’s rays scintillating as they peeked through the clouds. They were laying down on the grass and looking up at the clouds, trying to find ones that looked like something.

It all gave Renjun a strong sense of nostalgia and bliss. Memories resurfaced of the two cloud-gazing while they were in the castle. They used to do it all the time, and he had to admit he missed doing it, and he wished he hadn't 'grown out' of it.

Renjun remembered the first time the two met when they were younger. Jaemin had come to sit next to him, the two not making conversation until Jaemin had pointed to a cloud, saying it looked like a cat’s face. He had tried explaining to the prince what parts of it looked like a cat, emphasizing the ears and round head mostly. 

Renjun had just went with whatever the other was saying to not be rude, since he had never actually seen a cat. The next day, he had gone to the royal library to look for a picture of one. He had found a book with several penned illustrations of the felines. He had traced with his finger the round face and triangle ears. He had thought it looked similar after all.

And now that scene was happening all over again. Jaemin was pointing out how this one cloud looked like a pudding. Jaemin mentioned how he wanted pudding, though it was just a craving.

"Do you have any cravings?" Jaemin asked. It was an innocent and curious inquiry.

Renjun simply answered him with a _'not really',_ though he _did_ want to write a letter.

And so Renjun got out his writing supplies and began to scribble sentences on a sheet of paper. He counted in his head the number of days since he's left, and he regretted not bringing a calendar, but he could make do without one.

What he ended up writing was a summary of what happened since he left the castle, what new and exciting things he got to see, and mentioned about how the world was a really bright place.

And then, when Renjun looked up to the sky to ponder, he spotted a cloud that resembled a dolphin. He nudged Jaemin with his elbow, telling Jaemin to look.

"How do you even know what a dolphin looks like if you've never been to the ocean before?" Jaemin asked.

Renjun didn't know why he blushed. "I only know what a dolphin looks like from paintings and books, but it would be really cool to see one for real," he said.

"I've never seen one before either, but I have some old friends that have seen dolphins from living in port towns and going out to sea to fish," Jaemin said. "Apparently, they sound super high pitched—sometimes they sound like they're giggling or laughing—and that’s just how they communicate. Though, who's to say they're _not_ having fun?"

Renjun chuckled. "We should go to the ocean someday," he said.

Jaemin smiled at him. "I'll take a mental note of that."

And then Renjun wrote the ending to the letter.

☁️☀️☁️

They had gone into a small town to get more supplies and to send Renjun's letters. He had a bundle of letters; he had written quite a few since leaving the castle about his new life and their journey, and he was only now sending them because he could send them all at once. Sending the letters all at once was less of a hassle for them—it was cheaper and more efficient than sending individual letters every time he wrote a new one.

Jaemin had to help him find the post office, where later the letter would apparently be taken to the capital by a messenger on horseback, that of which would take a few weeks. He was still a little confused on how it all worked, since he didn't even know how letters were sent _from_ the castle. It wasn't his job; he had only needed to write. But now it was a little more complicated than that _and_ it cost money (which Renjun really needed to get used to; he was still too accustomed to having everything cost him nothing and getting things handed to him on a silver platter, to his dismay). Jaemin just told him that it was like this for everyone.

“Don’t you hate Prince Donghyuck for all the stuff he’s said about you?” Jaemin asked after they had both settled the mailing details to the messenger. They were to be sent directly to the second prince of Frella, and not to the king and queen. He didn't exactly want the letters meant for Donghyuck to get in the hands of his parents.

Renjun shrugged. “All the stuff he said was true,” he said.

“Seriously? I would expect you still hate him _even if_ what he said was true.”

Renjun skipped ahead, a spring in his step on the dirt path, before turning around to face Jaemin and walking backwards. “How could I hate him? He’s my little brother. I’ll still love and care about him no matter what.”

Jaemin cracked a smile at his words. "Who said you couldn't handle strong emotions? You carry so much love in your heart."

☁️☀️☁️

It must've been bad luck that, as soon as they had left the village, it began to rain. Heavy droplets plummeted on them in a furious dripple as they rode by horseback on the trails of slushing mud. They had set a cloak over their heads in an attempt to shield them from getting too wet, since the last thing they wanted was for one of them to get sick.

Jaemin had decided to take them on a shortcut through the forest, which according to the knight would still lead them on a road to the next village. It was best to take the quickest route in the case that the rain would let up before nightfall; it would give them more time to travel while it was still considered daytime.

"Renjun," Jaemin began, voice slightly muffled by the wind and rain. "Are you doing okay back there? Do you need more of the cloak?"

Pulling back from the warmth of Jaemin's body to speak, though still keeping his arms wrapped around Jaemin's waist, Renjun shouted, "I'm fine, are _you_?"

"Mhm," Jaemin responded. "I'm used to being out in the rain; I'm more worried about you."

"Why are you worried about me? You can worry about yourself first, you know. I'm not a prince anymore, and you're not a knight anymore. We're equals. There's no reason for you to prioritize me over yourself," Renjun said.

"I don't know, I think it's just in my blood to put people before myself."

"Like I said, you should think about yourself first. At least sometimes."

"I _do_ , I do think about myself first sometimes. Only sometimes, though."

"And what does that mean," Renjun grumbled. He didn't get a response.

They passed through a clearing and it was then that the rain came to its end and the sun peeked through the breaking clouds. The rain turned out to be heavy but short-lived. Jaemin pulled back on Chip's reigns, bringing him to a slow halt.

And then a beautiful arc of colours appeared in a light wash on the pale-blue sky, mist falling down still, and Renjun had no idea what it was, that mystical thing among the clouds. Renjun wasted no time in getting off their horse to get a better view without Jaemin in the way, sullying the soles of his boots with fresh mud without a second thought.

"A rainbow. It's called a rainbow," Jaemin offered as he too got down, sounding just as breathless as Renjun felt. Renjun was astonished by the sight—a miracle of nature, he thought it was—as he was only allowed outside when the rain had dried up, and thus he had never seen a rainbow before.

Renjun breathed in the strong scent of earth after rain, took notice of the dewdrops on the grass, outstretched his arms to feel the refreshing vapour fall on his skin, tried whatever he could to grasp with his senses the moment that felt as though pure magic, like a scene from fairy tales.

Renjun could feel Jaemin's heavy stare on him, and when he turned to look at him and hummed in question, Jaemin was quick to return his sights to the rainbow.

He let it slide.

☁️☀️☁️

Renjun listened to the clopping of Chip's footsteps. He was bored—there was nothing else to do _but_ listen to the horse’s hooves hit the ground. The road on which the horse treaded was a path of footstep-mowed grass and dirt, which cut right through a lush, green meadow. At first he had showed some excitement at seeing the meadow, but after a long few minutes of seeing the same plants over and over again he began to lose his interest in the scenery.

The weather was nearly sweltering hot, classic for a mid-June day such as this. While Renjun was glad, of course, that his clothing was slightly loose and breathable, he wouldn't have minded one bit if he was wearing a few extra layers; the numerous layers of clothing he wore daily as prince had made him used to such toasty temperatures.

The blue-washed sky was clear of any wisps of white, and the sun shined brightly as always. Well, _close_ to always, since Frella only had spring and summer, and the only time the sun wasn't shining brightly was when it was being covered by dusty grey clouds of rain. They didn't have fall or winter like other, more far away countries in other continents.

Currently, Renjun and Jaemin were travelling aimlessly around the kingdom of Frella. Frella was a large country, and they were still deciding if they wanted to enter the neighbouring kingdom of Deissa or not.

Deissa was the country directly beside theirs, to their east border (that of which they were rather close to right now). They mainly had the same weather because of it, but Deissa was more along the coastline while Frella was more inland of their continent, thus the former had more fluctuating weathers.

Leaving the kingdom would mean that they would be completely free, but Renjun wasn’t sure if he wanted to leave his home country so soon without seeing it all. There were also sentimental reasons to consider, for the both of them. So in the meantime, they had decided to make a bunch of detours until they made up their minds.

It was then he saw a large patch of yellow in the near distance. It caught his eye easily, a popping contrast from the otherwise green-grass filled field.

"Hey, Jaemin," he said, not prying his gaze from the bright yellow.

"What?" the boy in question called back. He pulled on Chip's reigns, stopping the horse from moving.

Renjun pointed at the yellow patch. "What's that?" Jaemin turned to look at what he was pointing at.

Jaemin gasped. "Are those what I think they are?"

Renjun gave him a puzzled look. "What is it you think they—ah!" Suddenly they made a quick and sharp turn in the direction of the yellow cluster, forcing Renjun to instinctively grasp onto the fabric of Jaemin's shirt in an attempt to hang on as Chip galloped through the clearing.

They made it there in less than a minute, and the yellow patch turned out to be a plethora of small, vibrant lemon-coloured flowers. They were like the sunflowers in the castle's garden, only miniscule compared. There were also white puff-like spheres on the same green stems as the yellow flowers, which Renjun thought was a bit odd.

They promptly dismounted from their stead, and Renjun watched as Jaemin immediately ran headstrong into the sea of yellow, a big lopsided grin plastered on his face as he danced in the centre of it all. Jaemin was beaming, like this was where he belonged, here in a field full of flowers.

"Renjun, get over here!" Jaemin hollered eageringly.

He looked down and began walking over to Jaemin. He planted his steps carefully, not wanting to trample over the golden flowers. There were also a few bees taking their pollen, and he didn't want to anger them by stepping on their precious flowers.

"What _are_ these?" Renjun asked, stuck in a starstruck daze as his eyes travelled from yellow cluster to yellow cluster with dashes of white. It was like a wonderland, the sheer abundance of flowers almost too much to take in at once.

"They're dandelions, silly. Wait, weren't there dandelions in the castle? There _had_ to have been dandelions."

Renjun shook his head no. He had never seen these sunflower look-alikes—dandelions, he had come to learn.

Jaemin hit his right fist into his open left palm like he had figured something out. "Ah, those were _sunflowers_." Was Jaemin reading his mind? He thought magic and sorcery was impossible, though then again his own heart was considered to be impossible. A coincidence, perhaps?

"Did you forget to sleep last night?" Huh? _Oh._ He covered his mouth with his hand and blushed, finally realizing that he had been speaking aloud.

Jaemin saved him from his minor embarrassment by crouching down, plucking one of the white puffballs by the stem.

"They say if you think of a wish and blow off the seeds—the white part—then your wish will come true," he said, handing the fluffy flower to Renjun.

The heat on his cheeks faded away as he eyed the dandelion with curiosity. If he could wish on this flower, what should he wish for? He had already attained the freedom he had wanted, had seen normal people live their lives and had started to live a normal life of his own. What was there left for him to wish for? He fluttered shut his eyes, hoping the answer would come to him.

_I wish..._

Then Renjun's nose twitched, and he felt a sneeze incoming. "Achoo!" All the puffs blew away into the calm breeze; he had held the dandelion too close to his nose.

Jaemin giggled, light and airy; it filled the air more than the dandelion's seeds and their wishes. Renjun liked the sound of it. And when Jaemin stopped giggling he grinned from ear to ear, and he liked that the boy was grinning _at him._ He liked that he was happy.

"Did you manage to make a wish?" Jaemin asked.

"Yeah," Renjun lied. He didn't really know why he lied. "Aren't _you_ going to make a wish?"

"Oh, right." Jaemin plucked another dandelion and took a moment to think of a wish before blowing the seeds into the air.

Renjun wondered what Jaemin wished for, but he probably wouldn't tell him if he asked. Wishes didn't come true if you told them anyway.

"Aren't you going to ask what I wished for?"

Renjun shook his head. "You didn't ask what _I_ wished for. And wishes don't come true if you tell them," he said.

Jaemin smiled, and Renjun’s heart melted a little. He didn't know why. "Right."

☁️🌙☁️

The foliage and branches covering their view of the pitch black night above were illuminated by the campfire they had made to cook their dinner and kept to keep their bodies warm, their dinner tonight of which was a beef stew.

It tasted amazing _—everything_ that Jaemin cooked Renjun thought was—but he just couldn't bring himself to eat more than two bites. He was never one to play with his food—he had been chastised enough as a kid in the palace to not do so—but he just kept stirring and scooping up and stirring again his stew. He just didn't feel hungry.

He was too preoccupied with thinking about leaving to Deissa. In Deissa, they would be truly out of reach, his parents would have little power in another country to try to find him, at least without asking for aid from Deissa's royal family (which he knew they wouldn't, for it was too much to ask for and they would have to explain Renjun's predicament and assumed reason for leaving, which was too much private knowledge).

Did Renjun and Jaemin _need_ to be truly out of reach? They were out of reach enough here. But then again, for how long would their safety here last? If they were to be found, not only would Renjun's freedom be taken away, but Jaemin would surely be executed for treason. He didn't want to risk it, not when Jaemin's life was on the line.

Renjun forced himself to eat another bite before lowering his spoon into his bowl, which emitted a warmth just like the pit of fire in front of them. “Hey, Jaemin.”

“What is it?” Jaemin said after he had swallowed.

Small sparks flew alongside fireflies as the fire crackled, its dominant orange glow rippling across Jaemin’s features. Renjun’s eyes met with Jaemin's, making his heartbeat spike with nervousness, and he gulped. He dropped his eyes to the wavering open flame, a distraction from Jaemin’s strong gaze.

“I...I think I want to go to Deissa.”

He was met with a long silence before Jaemin spoke again. “I’ll go anywhere you want to go. I’d go with you to the other side of the world, if that was where you wanted to be. I’d get us on this ship, a huge one that would take us across the ocean—all the way to the coast of Adeiwyr—and we’d be on sea for _months,_ even though I get seasick easily. All you need to do is say the word. _Just say the word, and it could just be us two._ ” The very last sentence had been spoken under his breath, not letting Renjun make out the words at all. He decided the words weren't meant to be heard, so he ignored it.

“When do we leave?” Renjun asked.

“We could get there by tomorrow. It’s not that far away.”

Renjun ate spoonful after spoonful of the stew in his hands, not as warm anymore but still good. He brought the bowl to his lips and downed the rest of the soup. “Let’s get some rest then. It’ll be a long day ahead of us, won’t it be."

"Yes, it will be," Jaemin said, albeit with a sigh that didn't seem to be of simple exhaustion, making Renjun wonder if he had done something wrong.

Ironically, he ended up staying awake for hours, while Jaemin had long fallen asleep beside him under the same blanket. The fire had stopped burning, with only ashes remaining in the pit, but he still had the warmth that radiated from the other's body to keep him cozy. It wasn't a physical reason like the cold that was keeping him awake, he deduced.

It was like his heart was emptier, but was that really why he couldn't fall asleep? It was the first time Renjun had felt lonely since escaping from the castle, even though Jaemin was nestled right at his side.

Thoughts of his family kept plaguing his mind, and maybe, Renjun thought, this was the feeling of homesickness. It was completely new to him, and he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to cope with this gap in his heart. His heart was feeling the most weak it had ever felt before—if his heart had ever felt fragile, this was the most he's been afraid of it breaking.

He was saying goodbye to his country for good, and only now had he realized he couldn’t even hear about his family. He imagined how they might have cried when they discovered he had left, and he harshly blinked the thought away. It caused him to shed a tear just thinking about it; he didn't want them to be sad over his absence, but it seemed freedom came at a cost after all.

Renjun fell asleep with the dried streak of a tear on his face. He dreamed of the vast field of yellow, of dandelion seeds scattering in the wind as he made a wish.

_I wish for my family to be safe and sound._


	3. Chapter 3

☁️☀️☁️

Renjun woke up to a delightful, aromatic smell wafting through the air and the sizzling sound of food. He noticed Jaemin was gone from his side, and found him now throwing herbs into a small pan above a small pit of fire.

Renjun groggily stood up, stretching his limbs like he did every morning ever since leaving the castle. It was something he hadn't done before because, back then, he had the luxury of a comfortable bed and fluffy pillows of the highest quality feathers. Now he had to make do with sleeping on the ground or against trees every night they weren't in an inn, which ended up giving him neck pains.

"Did you sleep well last night?" Jaemin asked, startling the other, half-awake boy.

"Yeah," Renjun lied, making his way towards the other. The former knight raised an eyebrow at him before moving the pan away from the flame, sliding what was in it onto a plate held in his other hand. It turned out to be sunny-side-up eggs.

"Here," Jaemin said, handing him the plate along with some bread.

"Thank you. It smells delicious," he said, not a lie this time, as Jaemin quickly ground up some black pepper on the eggs.

Renjun sat down where he had last night, and began to dig in.

"Renjun, what's wrong?" Jaemin asked, and Renjun looked up from his plate to face the other. He was met with a strong gaze once again, and he set the slice of bread he had been about to take a bite of back on the plate.

"What do you mean? Nothing's wrong."

"Your eyes are swollen," Jaemin told him with a frown, and Renjun knew then that there was no point in lying anymore. "I'm not stupid, you know, I can tell when something is bothering you." Yes, he _knew_ that Jaemin wasn't stupid, and yet he had tried to hide it anyway.

"There's not much I can hide from you, is there," Renjun said. There really wasn't; Jaemin was the most observant person he knew, and with all that he knew about Renjun—what drove him, his secrets, the little quirks and tell-tale signs in his behaviour—something as obvious as _this_ had probably instantly raised some flags for Jaemin.

"Is it me? Did I...last night..." Jaemin said, trailing off. Renjun gave him a perplexed look. _Did_ Jaemin do something? He wasn't sure what the other was talking about.

"No, no. It's not you," Renjun reassured. Jaemin let out a breath of relief, before muttering something under his breath.

"If it's not about me, then I don't have the right to know anything more. But I'm your friend, and I'm here for you."

Renjun smiled. "Thanks," he said. He was glad Jaemin wasn't prying.

"No need to thank me when I haven't done anything."

"Just listen," Renjun said, after a moment of debate.

"Go ahead. I'm listening."

"I...I miss my family. So, _so_ much," Renjun began. "I wish I could see them again, see how they're doing, if they're healthy or not. I really wanted freedom—it was what I wanted more than _anything,_ or at least that's what I thought. But now that I _have_ freedom, I'm realizing I also want my family." Renjun gulped down his nerves before continuing. "Is it...selfish of me? To want both freedom _and_ family? I feel like it's wrong of me." There, it was out, Renjun had spilled what he had been feeling last night.

Jaemin's face softened. "It's okay. To feel selfish. For the record, I'm much more selfish than you are," he said.

That was the second time this morning that Jaemin said something he didn't understand. (Sometimes Jaemin was cryptic like that.)

"Thanks," Renjun said anyway, for what he _had_ understood was comforting to hear. It was like a weight had been taken off his shoulders, simply by telling Jaemin everything.

He returned to eating his breakfast. He assumed Jaemin had already eaten before he had woken up, because now he was putting out the fire and putting the pan back into their saddlebag. They'd wash it if they had a stream of water to do so, but for now they'd have to wait till they reached another village. And that village would be in Deissa.

"Actually," Jaemin began. "I need to tell you something. It’s important. It really can't wait—I shouldn't have put it off in the first place."

"What is it?"

Jaemim gulped, and Renjun braced himself for what words would come out of his mouth. "We don't need to go to Deissa. No one is coming for us."

"What do you mean?" Renjun asked, and Jaemin just stared dead at the ground, and he felt a little bad for the grass that must've been set ablaze by Jaemin's strong gaze. He took another bite of his eggs and toast.

"I...In my letter to your father, I may have said _—implied_ —that you were my hostage. And that if they came looking for us I might hurt you."

Renjun choked. He coughed harshly and pounded on his chest. Jaemin was making his way to him, but he quickly raised a hand to tell him he was okay. Head spinning, Renjun tried to put the pieces together. So Jaemin was saying that, all this time, his parents hadn't sent anyone after them because they had thought that, if they did, the knight would harm him? He had thought it was weird how their journey had been so smooth, how they were safe wherever they went. But...

"It was just a bluff! I would never hurt you," Jaemin clarified, reading Renjun’s confused expression.

Renjun rolled his eyes. "Of _course_ you wouldn't, I know _that_ much. But how are you even sure they didn't see through you?" It was obvious that Jaemin wouldn't even _think_ of harming him, and his parents knew they were best friends ever since they were kids.

"Well, I don't know for _sure,_ but I _do_ have a way with words."

 _"What_ way with words," Renjun mumbled. That was just the worst lie he had ever heard come into existence. There was absolutely no saving that poor bluff.

"Hey, I really think you should give me more credit. _You_ might be able to see through me—and vice versa—but that's because we're close. Your parents? Not so likely."

"They trust you with my _life—have_ trusted you with my life for years now. They know the odds of you breaking that trust are slim to none. _You_ might not know my parents, but I sure do."

"Then why don't _you_ explain why they haven't come for us yet, if you know them so well," Jaemin challenged childishly, puffing his chest and crossing his arms.

 _Well._ "I take it back, I honestly have no idea." He really didn't, because if it wasn't because of Jaemin's threat to harm him, then what was it? Unless they simply accepted his wishes, though he doubted that.

"Ha!" Jaemin said triumphantly, grinning widely at him. Renjun rolled his eyes. "Wait, so do you want to stay now?"

"Let's go anyway. We still can't be sure that your bluff worked, and we also don't know when they might change their minds," Renjun reasoned. Jaemin nodded.

And then, after Renjun finished eating and they packed up, they mounted Chip and were headed back on the road, on their way to the border.

It was a beautiful day today, Renjun found.

☁️☀️☁️

A few hours later, they arrived in the capital of Deissa, a beautiful city with a river running through it, bustling with life and crowds of people in the squares. It was almost magical—no, it _was_ magical, with a different but equally as enchanting charm when compared to the smaller villages they had passed through.

Renjun wondered if it was like this back in the capital of Frella—it must've been, it was like Jaemin had said—magical.

There were merchants coming in and out of the town with horses carrying highly stacked wagons, their volume likely weighing half its equivalent in bricks.

There was a peddler passing out newspaper as soon as they had set foot into the square, and Renjun had nearly taken one, hoping it might contain news of the royal family back in Frella, but Jaemin stopped him because they usually contained baseless rumours.

After bringing Chip to the stables, where there would be people to take care of him while they explored the city by foot, they went to buy more supplies. Mainly bread.

They entered the local bakery, the smell of the sweet pastries in the basket wafting to his nose delightfully. And so, after buying their bread, the two of them caved and bought some tarts. Renjun felt content somehow from just having watched Jaemin eat it deliciously, stuffing his face with the flaky, custardy pastries and finishing them in three bites.

Then they walked across the main bridge to get to the inn on the other side of the city. The capital was built on both sides of a river, divided by a north and south side—they were on the north side. The large and arched cobbled bridge had been built along with the rest of the city, as the king of Deissa had demanded early on.

Renjun couldn't help but be drawn to the shimmering waters, and excitedly leaned over the railing to look at the river. He only noticed there had been a pair of pigeons perched on the railing when they spread their wings and flew away, startled by his sudden entrance. (He felt bad for practically kicking the birds out of their peaceful place, but what could he do now? The birds were gone, and it wasn't like he could apologize with bird-talk anyway.)

Jaemin joined him soon after, putting a hand on Renjun's shoulder and reminding him to be careful of falling off. Renjun blushed out of embarrassment before backing away, instead setting his forearms crossed on the railing and resting his head on his arms. He could still see, but it was decidedly much safer from this position.

A glistening blue, the rippling water reflected an image of the two boys above. And behind their reflections were fish—carp, he was pretty sure they were called.

Jaemin nudged at the former prince with his shoulder, and said, “Hey Renjun, I got an idea.“ He watched as Jaemin fished out a loaf of bread from their bag of supplies, broke it in half, and handed half to Renjun. Renjun gave him a bemused look, not understanding why Jaemin had given him half a loaf of rye bread on a cobbled stone bridge. “Just watch.”

Jaemin ripped a small piece of bread off and tossed it over the railing. Renjun’s eyes followed the piece as it plopped on the surface of the water and was astonished to see the fish swarm over, their mouths opening and closing in a ‘bop’. They were _eating the bread_.

“Wanna try?” Jaemin offered, before tossing some bread into his own mouth.

Reluctantly, Renjun peeled off a tiny bite of bread and lightly chucked it into the river below. A sense of calm washed over him as the carp began eating his piece of bread. He did it again. And again. It was calming.

After a few minutes of doing the same thing over and over again he turned to Jaemin, only to find the boy already staring at him. They made eye contact, Jaemin’s eyes soft yet attentive. Jaemin gave him a coy smile, before breaking the contact and looking back down at the water, leaning his arms on the stone railing.

Was there something that triggered his crystal heart? Renjun didn’t know why his heart had leaped just then.

☁️☀️☁️

Was there a name for the feeling he got whenever Jaemin so much as sent him the shyest of smiles? It was fond, bubbly and even a bit nauseating at times. Were there books out there that could define what having that feeling meant? He could tell it was a positive feeling at least. _That,_ or it was some sort of sickness in disguise. Did other people have this feeling too? And, if that was the case, what about the possibility of Jaemin having that same feeling whenever he saw Renjun? He could only imagine. He wanted to know what this feeling was, and desperately soon, especially if it did turn out to be some weird illness.

That was how he ended up starting a conversation with the bookkeeper in town. Renjun had taken the chance Jaemin had given him to explore the town by himself while he slept at the inn.

The library was larger on the inside than it had seemed from the exterior, with many shelves lined with books and tables stacked with books also. The room smelled strongly of parchment, not so different from how the royal library smelled, giving Renjun a sense of nostalgia.

As he wandered towards the front desk, a man with dark hair wearing round-framed glasses turned his gaze up from his book to study him. He smiled at Renjun, though not rising from his seat.

“What is it you’re looking for today? A history record? A romantic novel?” he asked. Renjun was surprised at the soft, almost velvet quality to the man’s voice, a stark contrast to the salespeople he’d encountered outside earlier.

But what Renjun wanted was neither of those things. “A conversation? Of sorts. I’d like to ask you something,” he said, a tad bit awkward. He was hoping the bookkeeper could give him some insight with their knowledge from books.

“Of course! Not many people have actually had a conversation with me in a long time,” the man said, sighing almost wistfully. Now that Renjun had gotten a closer look, the bookkeeper didn’t look that much older than he was, beating him by only a couple years at most. “The name’s Ten. And you are...?”

It was as if Renjun's mind had frozen up from panic, not sure what to answer with since he _definitely_ couldn't tell the man his real name and Jaemin hadn't told him what he should do in this kind of situation. It was a situation worth having a mini freak-out over.

“You can call me Injun,” he said, saying the first thing that his mind supplied him with while also attempting to keep his voice level. Oh, Jaemin would surely have a grand time laughing about this when Renjun would end up telling him.

"Welcome to my library, Injun," Ten said, getting out of his chair and guiding them to another table to talk. Ten was about the same height as him, he noticed. Renjun sat himself down in one of the chairs, and the other man pulled out a chair opposite him. He didn't sit down though, instead saying, "I should make some tea—I'll be back just a moment," and turning on his heel before Renjun could say that he was fine without tea.

Ten came back a few minutes later with a tray in his hands, two cups and a glass pitcher with tea on top of its surface. As he was setting down the tray, Renjun took the liberty of moving the few sheets of parchment on the table away from the tea, to which Ten thanked him for. Renjun then thanked the man back for the tea, taking one of the two porcelain cups in his two hands and blowing on the hot and steaming liquid before taking a sip. Renjun said it was delicious, and Ten smiled at him.

“What is it you wanted to ask me about?” Ten prompted him, pushing his round frames farther up the bridge of his nose.

Renjun thought about how he should word his inquiry, his cup now set down in front of him with his hands still wrapped around the smooth porcelain. “Can you help me identify this feeling? I don't know what it is, and I'm not sure what it means.” Ten nodded and took a sip of his tea, gesturing for Renjun to continue.

Renjun proceeded to tell him of the symptoms he got whenever Jaemin turned his way, the way his heart had jumped when they had made eye contact earlier, the warmth that overflowed his body whenever the knight was in close proximity to him. Ten didn’t even open one book, only pouring himself a new cup of tea before saying a simple three words: “You’re in love.”

It was as if someone had poured an ice bath over his head, the realization electrifying him to the bone. _This_ was love? Being in love, the romantic kind of love he thought he’d never experience? But Renjun was still perplexed, for what was the reason he was in love?

“ _Why_ am I in love?” Renjun asked. _Why_ was he in love with Jaemin?

“There doesn’t need to be a reason,” Ten answered. “You just _are_. That’s just how it is.”

That didn’t quite help. Renjun figured he wasn’t going to get more of an explanation than that, so he decided to try a different approach.

“Have you ever been in love?” Renjun asked.

Ten looked a bit surprised by that question but answered nonetheless. “I’ve been in love with someone before, but only once. I’m not in love now, though. But when I was, I felt the same as you are right now. My heart jumped every time I saw them. Even the thought of them made me smile,” Ten said, and Renjun couldn’t help but notice that his smooth voice was on the verge of cracking. He knew his voice wasn’t raspy from dehydration—Ten had been sipping his tea the entire time; his cup was empty. Ten gulped before giving Renjun a sad smile. “But that’s gone now. They didn’t love me back, after all.”

Ten had a faraway look on his face now, as if in reminiscence of his past love. Love was fleeting, Renjun had learned, but it seemed that, even when not in love anymore, it still held onto every part of your being.

The former prince thanked the Ten for talking with him, but just as he was about to walk out of the front door the bookkeeper fetched Renjun a romantic book, shoving it into his chest while saying ‘don’t worry, it’s free’, along with a word of advice. “Make sure you don’t get heartbroken. It’s a horrible feeling.”

Renjun simply nodded, making a mental note in his mind, and bowed his head once more before he pulled on the door handle and walked out, the bells on the door chiming.

On the way back to see Jaemin at the inn, a theory struck him. It was relating to his crystal heart. What if, like in Ten's case, Jaemin didn’t love him back? Ten had been ‘heartbroken’, but what if in Renjun's case his heart broke the literal way? His despair would cause his heart to shatter into a million fragments of crystal, and it would kill him. He would _die_. And Renjun didn’t exactly want to die.

Love was sweet, yet death was bitter. He hoped it wouldn’t end bittersweet.

☁️☀️☁️

When Renjun finally made it back to their inn room, room key in one hand and his book in the other, the first thing he noticed was that Jaemin was lying down on his bed with an arm tucked under his head as a pillow, the bed which Renjun was sure that they had decided would be his. (He didn't actually mind that much.)

The second thing he noticed was the setting sun coming through the open and uncovered window, glowing its orange hue on the wooden floorboards and bedsheets. He reasoned that Jaemin must've opened it to let in some fresh air.

"Nice book," Jaemin said as Renjun closed the door behind him. It startled him, for he had thought Jaemin was asleep. "Where'd you get it?"

"The bookstore. If it'll calm your mind some, I managed to get it for free," Renjun said, sitting down next to Jaemin, the mattress' springs squeaking from the sudden shift of weight.

"And how did you do that?"

Renjun thought back to how he got it earlier that afternoon, with Ten's words of advice to not get heartbroken. And obviously he couldn't tell Jaemin any of that. "None of your business."

"Oho, that's a first. No restraining yourself now since you're not a prince anymore, I see," Jaemin said, smirking at him. "You didn't steal it, right?"

Renjun scoffed. "Who do you think I am? Of course not! I'm still perfectly civil, mind you—as if I’d ever."

"Then explain how you got the book," Jaemin persisted, a teasing glint in his eyes.

"There really isn't any getting past you, is there," Renjun said, shaking his head. "You could say I made friends with the bookkeeper in town. He said he hasn't had a good conversation in a long time, so he gave me this in gratitude."

"That wasn't so hard, now was it?" Jaemin said. Renjun just rolled his eyes at him.

"Why are you so skeptical anyway. You _do_ trust me, right?"

"Do _you_ trust _me?"_

"I asked you first."

"Well, I hope we have the same answer in mind either way," Jaemin said, and Renjun cracked a smile.

"I wonder how Jeno's doing," Renjun mused. He looked for a reaction from the boy beside him, but he didn't expect for Jaemin's expression to suddenly turn dark. It was only for a split-second however, making Renjun wonder if it had been only his imagination.

"Do you ever wonder how Jeno and I met?" Jaemin asked hesitantly, avoiding Renjun's gaze. He guessed it wasn't his imagination after all.

Renjun hummed. "I'll admit, I have. But there's a reason you've never told me before now, right?"

"You're not wrong for thinking that. Do you want me to tell you?"

 _Ignorance is bliss,_ his mind supplied. Maybe it would be better for Renjun to not find out. But in the end his curiosity won over. "If that's okay with you, then yes."

Jaemin took a deep breath, closing his eyes and diving into his memory bank. "It was about five years ago, when we were both fourteen years old..."

_Jaemin, 14 years old, was back in his hometown for the third time since he had started training to become a knight. He first met Jeno when the latter was stealing food._

_It had been Jeno's third time in a week of trying to steal some bread from the bakery, and the last two times he had been punished badly, bruises and cuts all over his skinny body._

_That third time, Jeno had succeeded in getting away, and Jaemin had seen Jeno whoosh past him with a baguette cradled in his arms. Jaemin remembered from a few years back having seen a young Jeno in town before, had heard of Jeno from the townspeople before, and he didn't seem like the type to steal back then, nor did he look as bad as he did now. Something had changed since Jaemin left town, it seemed, and it hadn't been for the best, not in Jeno's case._

_The next day, Jaemin had made it his mission to find out what had happened, or to at least help him in some way. It had taken him two hours or so to find the other boy laying down on his back in a spread-eagle, on one of the more empty and narrow alleys. It had been alarming to him how Jeno now looked worse and more beat up than before._

_When Jaemin had approached him, Jeno had risen up immediately, as if ready to either run or fight. Jaemin had told him to wait for a moment, taking out medicine and bandages out of the bag he had brought with him._

_Jeno had sneered at him, saying, "I don't need your help." Maybe he was right, but that didn't mean Jaemin would stop trying._

_"Hey, I had to take this from the house without my mom knowing! I didn't go through all that trouble to help you only to get treated like this...Please, just let me help you."_

_"...Fine. I'm Lee Jeno. And you are?"_

_"Na Jaemin," he had said with a grin. "Pleased to meet you, Jeno."_

_After pulling off his shirt, which must have been painful if the boy's grimaces were anything to go by, Jeno had then asked, "Do you even know what you're doing?"_

_"If it means anything, I can stitch wounds. And well too," Jaemin had answered, taking a look at Jeno's back. Bruises were blooming purples and greens across his skin, and there were also a fair number of minor cuts and healed scabs scattered also._

_"I knew you were a seamstress' son, but you even know how to—ow!" Jaemin had lightly pressed down on the expanse of Jeno's back with his palm, resulting in a cry of pain. It hurt in a lot of places, it seemed._

_"You're hurt pretty badly," Jaemin had said as he grabbed a tiny bottle of alcohol and a cloth to disinfect the cuts. "Do your parents know?"_

_"Dad's too busy working. My family is poor. We weren't always like this, but ever since we had to send my mom to the capital for her illness...We had to pay a lot of money for her treatment. We're in debt."_

_Jaemin had only hummed, knowing it wasn't his place to speak. He had quickly went to work, gently cleaning the open wounds before applying various balms and creams to Jeno's body._

_While dressing the wounds with gauze bandages, Jaemin had asked. "So, do you work?"_

_"I_ wish _I could get a job," Jeno had said. "But no one will hire me, not since I started stealing from the baker. I had to, though—how else were we going to survive? We would've starved otherwise."_

_Jaemin could get where Jeno was coming from—not that he ever had to resort to stealing, but he could feel empathy for Jeno's desperation. Desperate times called for desperate measures, Jaemin thought, and Jeno had definitely been in that situation._

_He had finished patching Jeno up, now making sure that nothing was loose. "...If you want, I can help you. Get a job, that is."_

_Out of the corner of his eye, he had caught Jeno giving him a suspicious look. "What's the catch?"_

_"I guess I'd like something in return."_

_"You want me to pay you back later on?" Jeno had suggested, though it seemed he wasn't too fond of the idea._

_Jaemin had hummed in thought. "I just want a favour. My mom said it's always a good thing to have someone owe you a favour."_

_"And that favour doesn't involve money?" Jeno had started looking hopeful now, evidence in both his voice and his eyes._

_Jaemin shot Jeno a smile. "I promise I won't ask for money or anything. I'll just have you do something for me in the future. Simple as that. So do you want my help or not?"_

_"I'll take what I can get."_

"And that's that. Not quite what you were expecting, was it," Jaemin said, sighing. Renjun watched as he lifted his free hand in front of his face, rotating his wrist left and right, studying it carefully, before resting it back on his stomach. "So—"

"I—" Renjun began. The two traded looks and nudges for the other to go first. In the end, Renjun went first. "I'm...really thankful. That you told me. I would've never guessed," he said. "Thank you, Jaemin."

Silence took its chance to steal the air between them, and for a while they stayed still and listened to the sound of each other's breathing, along with the occasional whip of the open window's curtains. It wasn't awkward, no—it was _necessary._

His mind found peace and was relieved of the tension he didn't even know was there, and it was times like this where Renjun thought silence was a good thing.

And then Jaemin was shuffling on the bed and beginning to use Renjun's lap as a headrest. He wasn't sure why Jaemin hadn't just used the pillow that was right there but allowed it anyway, even when his heartbeat quickened its pace.

"You know, Jeno never actually told me to not speak of it to anyone," Jaemin said. "When I asked him about it, he said he didn't mind, but I just decided not to tell anyone."

"Why not?" Renjun asked. "Sorry, never mind. That's too personal, isn't it."

Jaemin just shook his head. "It's fine, don't worry about it. I didn't tell anyone because…well, this might sound stupid, but I thought the favour he owed me would go void. Of course it _wouldn't,_ Jeno wouldn't count me telling someone as using the favour, but...it wouldn't sit well with me either way."

"Even if you told someone, you still could've gotten a favour," Renjun said, his eyes travelling to where the now forgotten book sat beside him, his fingertips grazing over its slightly aged cover.

"That's basically exploitation!"

Renjun smiled down at Jaemin, and his hands itched to hold his face and brush his thumb along his cheeks and eyes. "This morning, you said you're way more selfish than I am. If you think it's exploitation to get to tell someone and still get a favour, then I doubt you're as selfish as you say you are."

"It's just like you to say something like that. To see the best in everything," Jaemin said with a soft chuckle. "You don't regret it, do you?"

"Regret what?" Renjun had an inkling of an idea of what Jaemin meant—the undertone of his words was giving him a sense of deja vu from _that_ night, the night they had escaped—but he wanted to be sure before giving an answer.

"Coming on this journey with me."

Renjun swallowed. "No, there's no room for regret," he said. "My life as a prince is behind me now, and I _chose_ to leave it behind."

"Then do you _like_ your new life?"

Renjun had made the choice to take Jaemin up on his offer, and it was Jaemin that took him out of his cage to see the world and all of its beauties. To be free, get his freedom. He was in awe of his new life, and he was grateful to Jaemin for giving it to him.

"There's not much more I could ask for." There wasn't much else to say.

"Okay." The same word that Jaemin had murmured months ago now sounded different—he could almost hear the words _I'm glad,_ though they were unsaid. It was accompanied by a smile this time, and he was glad that Jaemin was glad.

Jaemin then grabbed Renjun's hand with his own dry and calloused one and placed it on his head. And Renjun began to card through Jaemin's hair, for that was the action that came as natural to him. And he knew it was what Jaemin had wanted him to do because the boy was leaning into his touch, his eyelashes fluttering as the lids of his eyes slowly shut, and he felt as Jaemin's shoulders relaxed when he hadn't even realized they had been tense before.

Renjun found it quite amusing how easily Jaemin drifted to sleep as he brushed his fingers through Jaemin's strands of hair. It was an endearing sight, one that caused fondness to bubble up in his chest. Then again, all sights of the knight were enchanting and filled his heart with immense affection. He wasn’t sure how his crystal heart could even hold this much love for one person. He wasn't sure when he had started feeling this way for Jaemin.

He noticed a few rays of sunlight were getting longer as the sun was setting in crimson to their left, creeping closer across the bleached white sheets to their two bodies. Renjun dearly wished for the gentle rays to wash across Jaemin's tranquil face and on his cheekbones, for he wanted his ethereal beauty to be further highlighted. It was just what someone as lovely and beautiful as Jaemin deserved.

Renjun decided to pick up the neglected book by his side and finally began to read it. He flipped through the pages quite quickly, a pace he had been trained to achieve when he was a prince. It helped that the story was also simply immersive with its descriptive and flowery language—and _the characters,_ he was instantly hooked on the characters.

He silently thanked Ten for giving him this book, though not because the man had given it to him without charge, but because from the first few chapters he had read so far he could already tell the novel was extraordinarily written, enough so that he wished that he could write something as beautiful as this.

He'd have to finish this book quickly so he could send it to Donghyuck along with his next letter. Speaking of his next letter, he was sure he had _plenty_ to talk about, about more than just the book.

About love.

☁️☀️☁️

The town was vibrant with chatter and laughter the next morning, as it had been every day since they had arrived. It still amazed him how he was a part of it all. (Well, actually, today was the last day they would stay in town before heading off again. That didn’t change the fact that he got to be a part of the town, though.)

Walking through the cheerful streets of the capital city, they saw and passed several citizens wearing flower crowns atop their heads. Renjun then found a large sign posted up, saying there was an event being run by the florists in town where you could make flower crowns for free.

He had no idea there were events like these that existed. Not in Deissa, anyway—he knew there were festivals of flowers back in Frella (Frella _was_ the country of flowers, after all), he read about the history in books numerous times, and he saw the colourful blossoms shower down on the city from up in the castle. He just didn't expect a floral event in Deissa, the country of stars and constellations.

Renjun glanced at Jaemin, who smiled down at him and said they should check it out. And so the pair did, heading straight towards the source of the stream of crowned heads.

There were many tables set out, and there were people assisting others in weaving the crowns. Then, someone came up to them, asking if they would like to make flower crowns.

They looked for each other's reactions again. "We should make flower crowns for each other," Jaemin suggested. And so they decided to do that.

They were led to a table with two baskets filled to the brim with assorted flowers, from orchids, daisies, baby's breath, rosemary, roses, begonias and more, with a variety of colours to choose from. There were also coils of metal wire beside the baskets.

Renjun went to work on Jaemin's flower crown, deciding on begonias, baby's breath, miniature roses and rosemary. He weaved the flowers on the wire in a pattern of pink, white, peach and green. Pink begonias for subtle love; baby's breath for innocence and everlasting love; peach roses for appreciation and gratitude; rosemary for friendship. Yes, Renjun knew the meanings of flowers—he committed them to memory; all of the royals did, country of flowers and all—but he was relying on the fact that Jaemin _didn't._ Because if Jaemin knew, then things might end up awkward soon. He still didn't know how to confess—he was afraid of rejection.

When they finished, Renjun made a point to ask Jaemin if he had been lying about having never done this before, since his turned out so impressive and stunning, yellows and reds of begonias and roses pairing well with each other along with the baby's breath and rosemary. No flaws in sight. _(Red roses.)_

"Of _course_ I'm not lying, I'm just good with my hands. I _did_ tell you I was a seamstress' son, after all," Jaemin said, "and besides, I would never lie to you. Even if you're just a runaway prince, you're still someone who I can—and will—serve." Jaemin set the flower crown on Renjun's head. "And to top it off, you’re my best friend."

“Okay, I believe you,” Renjun said, and Jaemin smiled widely at him.

Then Jaemin went on to say the meanings of his flowers—rosemary for friendship and loyalty, yellow begonias for happiness (which he already knew, of course)—and Renjun stilled, the flower crown he had been prepared to place on Jaemin’s head in a loose grip, resting on his lap. Jaemin _did_ know flower meanings (coming from the country of flowers, he should’ve expected Jaemin to also know, since he most likely attended the festivals and learned).

Jaemin trailed off as he reached the obvious red roses, looking away in an attempt to hide his blush (Renjun could tell Jaemin was bashful because of the hand resting on his nape), and Renjun figured that Jaemin had purposefully trailed off so he wouldn’t have to confront the meaning of the flower. If it meant that Renjun didn’t have to explain his own choice of flowers, then he’d let it slide. If Jaemin didn’t want to explain his red rose now, then Renjun would forget about it until the time came.

Renjun gulped, looking down at the flower crown he had made for Jaemin, before looking back up. “H-here,” he began, and he cursed himself for stammering. “May I?” he asked, bringing up the crown towards the other's head hesitantly.

Jaemin wordlessly ducked his head and grabbed Renjun's hand, pulling it closer to his head. Jaemin's hand was sweaty; Renjun's face was on fire. And then the crown was on Jaemin's head, and Jaemin's hand was off of his.

Jaemin smiled. "Now you're making me think I should've asked before crowning you." Renjun managed to catch the slight waver in Jaemin's voice, the sound of nerves catching up with him, but as he did with the red rose he opted to ignore it.

Renjun’s mind went blank for a moment as he took in Jaemin’s appearance. It felt as though his breath had been taken away. Jaemin was—Jaemin was pretty. _Pretty, pretty, pretty._ Long eyelashes as delicate as the flower petals, fluttering gently like petals in the wind. And the pinks of the crown, the colour suited Jaemin more than Renjun thought it would. He briefly wondered what Jaemin would look like with a full head of pink locks. Otherworldly, perhaps.

Renjun forced himself to turn away from Jaemin's beauty however, and distracted himself by starting a second flower crown, hoping it would calm his racing heartbeat. He picked out flowers with less romantic meanings this time, taking some of the orchids, daisies and baby's breath. Yes, this was good.

Midway through weaving the crown, Jaemin gasped loudly. What he was gasping at, Renjun didn’t know. And then Jaemin was getting out of his seat and dashing towards something. Renjun, curious, followed Jaemin’s figure with his gaze (oh, Jaemin still had his flower crown on his head, and he looked really pretty in it—pinks becoming oranges from the sunlight), and it turned out to actually be _someone,_ a middle-aged woman cradling something in her arms. Jaemin was cooing at that something, and when his eyes fell on it, he saw that it was a baby, swaddled in a blanket.

Renjun wanted to see.

So he, too, got out of his seat, abandoning his half-finished creation in favour of the newborn. The baby was adorable—a small head but with big, bright eyes. Jaemin asked the mother if he could hold the baby, and then the baby was transferred into Jaemin's arms. He was so _gentle_ with it, so _loving_ towards it; it looked like he'd done this a lot.

And Renjun was falling. Falling more in love with Jaemin, a boy who exuded love. He was falling in love with love.

Jaemin turned back to Renjun, and asked if him would like to try. He couldn't deny his anticipation as he looked to the mother for the _okay._ The mother simply nodded at him. His heart raced as he received the baby from Jaemin. He didn't quite know how to hold it, but Jaemin helped him put his arms in the right position.

The feeling he got from holding the newborn filled his heart so much, more than he could've ever imagined. The feeling was _magical._ So, so magical—he was holding a baby after all, a living miracle—yet also so fleeting as he had to eventually return the baby back to the mother.

Then an idea popped into his head, and he told the mother to wait a moment before quickly dashing back to the table. He took his second flower crown, the one that he had been in the process of making before Jaemin had rushed to greet the newborn, and hastily cut a bit of the wire off and reshaped it into a circle smaller than their own flower crowns so it would fit the tiny head of the baby.

Then he returned and put the crown on the baby's head. And soon after, the mother was thanking him before walking off and carrying on with her day.

"That was nice of you," Jaemin said after the woman and child had long walked away.

"I just felt the need to give something back for the experience," Renjun said, looping a stray strand of hair behind his ear.

"It was magical, right? Holding the baby in your arms."

Renjun smiled. So Jaemin had felt it too. "Yes, it was. It was a nice feeling."

It was nice to be able to live normally, Renjun thought. No one knew who they used to be, just like Jaemin had said that fateful day, months ago. No one knew that Renjun used to be a crown prince or that Jaemin used to be a knight.

But it must've been plainly obvious to anyone that Renjun greatly appreciated living his life like this, maybe even a little too much. They must've been able to see it in his eyes, the way they took in the world as if it was something completely new and thus amazing to him. It _was_ something new and amazing.

Freedom was finally _his_ after longing for it for so long, and he didn't plan on losing his purpose for wanting it in the first place: to see the world and its beauties, to see the people living in it, to not be bound any longer by rules and royal duties. He was going to be grateful for all that he got to see, was going to see the beauty in all things new to him, and he was going to _keep_ doing so for as long as he still had his freedom.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hint: triple J. (i promise this has some relevance)

☁️☀️☁️

"Wow," was the first thing Renjun said at the sight. "That's a _big_ tree."

Yes, there was, in fact, a big tree before them, taller than the average tree—taller than all the other trees in this forest—with branches that seemed more like muscular arms from their largeness.

It was July, two weeks since they’d left the capital of Deissa. They were now travelling around the kingdom, which was new and unfamiliar for both of them, though at a much slower pace than they had been in Frella, since they were sure Renjun’s father wouldn’t attempt to come after them. They took in the scenery more, truly exploring the wonders of this country. It was nice, Renjun thought.

“We should climb it,” Jaemin suggested. “Watch me first.”

Renjun watched as Jaemin took off the sword hanging from his side, along with his boots and socks, opting to go barefoot. "For good traction," Jaemin supplied, before swiftly climbing up the tree's trunk with ease.

Renjun proceeded to take off his own footwear and tried to follow Jaemin's movements, but it wasn't as easy as Jaemin had made it seem. He couldn't even make it to the closest branch, his legs feeling so jittery that he had to jump back down onto the sweet ground (though to be fair, he used to be a prince, he wasn't expected to be well-versed in the art of tree-climbing).

Jaemin came back down and turned around, kneeling on the ground. "Get on my shoulders," he said, "if you can't climb, that's okay. I'll lift you up to the closest branch."

And so Renjun, without further protest, did as Jaemin said and sat on his shoulders, his legs dangling from either side of the boy's neck. It was then Jaemin stood up again, heaving Renjun's weight without stumbling in the slightest.

"You're pretty light," Jaemin commented as he stepped closer to the tree's branch.

"Am I? Aren't _you_ just strong?" Renjun said. Jaemin chuckled.

Renjun was now so close, he felt so tall while on Jaemin's shoulders, and the tree's arm was just above his head. Well, maybe just above _two_ of his heads, if they were to be stacked on top of each other.

"Try standing now. Then just hurl yourself onto the branch. I'll support you, so don't worry."

"Uhm, just step forward a little? So I have room to stand up," Renjun said. Jaemin took a step forward, and Renjun asked him to take another one for good measure. Then Jaemin's hands were wrapping around his ankles firmly, and with the help of the tree trunk as a second support Renjun's feet got on Jaemin's shoulders and he was standing. The tree branch was at his mid-back now, and after taking a deep breath to calm his nerves he hopped back on the branch.

Renjun's ankles were freed from Jaemin's grasp, and he watched as Jaemin climbed up the trunk of the tree, quickly getting closer up to him. Jaemin told Renjun to scoot over to make some room, and he did, shuffling a few inches at a time so as to not lose his balance, though that turned out to not be a problem since it was a very large branch, more than sturdy enough to hold both of their weights.

The branch’s height was only equivalent to that of a regular tree’s, so the view was only that of a regular tree’s. He did wish he was higher, but he just couldn’t climb.

"You know you can go higher, right? Look, the branches are so thick you can just walk on them. They're not going to break, or anything," Jaemin said. He was right, there were extending branches that were akin to paths to be walked upon, more places to place your feet on for stability as you climbed.

“I don’t think I have the greatest balance,” Renjun said.

“Renjun, you could literally _crawl_ on the branches, there’s enough room for that. You know I won’t judge you if you do. And not to brag, or anything—” Oh, so Jaemin was going to brag now— “but Ihave pretty good balance. You could just, I don’t know, hold my hand until you get the hang of it,” Jaemin suggested. And then his cheeks turned a shade of pink. And then Renjun belatedly realized why: the idea of them _holding hands._

Renjun glanced down at their hands, blushing now also. They were resting so close to each other. So, so close. His fingers itched to run across Jaemin’s knuckles. When he looked back up, he found Jaemin also looking at their hands, and without a second thought he took Jaemin’s hand in his. Jaemin’s hand was a little clammy, he noticed, though he wasn’t all that bothered by it. Actually, he found it to be kind of endearing. He looked for Jaemin’s expression, only to find what was probably the brightest, most heart-melting grin ever. Endearing, this time without the ‘kind of’.

Renjun was falling so, so hard.

The two stood up, Renjun’s legs a little wobbly as they did, but Jaemin steadied him. “Take it easy, just relax,” Jaemin said, squeezing Renjun’s hand in reassurance. Renjun took a deep breath. The air from up here was great, he thought, doing wonders to calm his nervousness as the freshness filled his lungs. It felt _freeing._

“Okay, let’s go,” Renjun said, smiling.

Jaemin lead Renjun up the branches and through the leaves, taking small side-steps across the thick branches to be extra cautious. Jaemin was being patient with him, and that made Renjun all the more motivated to get the hang of it quickly. And soon enough, Renjun was releasing his grip on Jaemin’s hand, climbing up the crooks of the tree’s branches on his own. Soon enough, they were sitting on one of the highest branches.

“Wow,” Renjun said when he was met with the grand view. The sky looked vast; the landscape looked boundless. Below them were the rest of the trees, clear from their line of vision, and out in the distance they could see the fields they had been in before entering this forest.

“You can see so much from up here, right? The view here is much better than the branch we first started at,” Jaemin said, and Renjun nodded in agreement.

They spent the next few minutes in silence, admiring the sight before them.

"Uh, Renjun," Jaemin said, and it startled Renjun enough for him to nearly fall off. _Nearly._

"What is it?" Renjun asked. The look on Jaemin's face was anxious. Was there something he was afraid of? Jaemin couldn't have been afraid of heights, right?

"Chip. Where's Chip?" Jaemin said, and Renjun's face paled.

They hadn't tied Chip up somewhere or anything, they had just left him to wander off all this time. What if Chip was gone? That meant—

"Chip has all of our stuff, right? All our money, supplies—"

"Forget about the _stuff—_ Chip's our _friend,_ first and foremost," Jaemin said, interrupting Renjun mid-sentence. "If Chip were a human, they'd be the type of person to lose track of the time and find themselves in the middle of nowhere! We have to go looking for him."

And so they got off the tree as quickly as they could, put back on their boots they had left at the base of the tree, and began to call out for Chip.

“Chip! Boy, where are you? Chipmunk!”

(It turned out that Chip hadn't gone that far.)

☁️☀️☁️

Renjun smelled the saltiness in the air before he could see or hear it—the ocean. The two were on the east coast of Deissa today, on a beach home to skittering hermit crabs and striking tropical birds, the waves crashing against the sand, alive in their own right.

Chip neighed in excitement as he trod on the grainy sand with Jaemin and Renjun on his back, making hoofprints that dotted towards the ocean. Renjun laughed as the horse galloped through the shallow tide, water occasionally splashing on his pants.

The ocean's waters were painted a dark cyan, with highlights of turquoise from where the sun hit the ripples in the waves and refracted salt white from when the water surged towards the shore and splashed against itself. It was the kind of beauty that demanded one's gaze, ravishing in every way possible and more enchanting with every second he laid his eyes on it.

"It's pretty, isn't it," Jaemin said.

"It's beautiful," Renjun corrected, refusing to look away from the sight.

"And what about me?" Renjun's head whipped up at that, unbelieving of what had just heard come out of Jaemin's mouth. "You don't need to answer that; I was kidding around to get your attention," Jaemin said quickly.

The nervous look in his eyes betrayed the certainty in his voice and the coherence of his words, making Renjun believe his words to have either been a lie or a half-truth. Renjun let it slide though, for, as much as he wanted to answer that the other boy was just as beautiful, he simply wasn't ready to confess his feelings yet. He just couldn't, not when he still wasn't sure if Jaemin loved him back or not (he couldn't be sure unless the boy said it himself outright), but he let himself hold on to the sliver of hope he had just been given. There was a chance for him. For _them._

Jaemin and Renjun decided now they should get off their stead, and they proceeded to take off their boots and socks and toss them away from the shoreline, not wanting them to get soaked and stinky. Their feet dipped one after the other into the cold waters, and they both hissed at the sudden temperature drop, freezing them down to the bone.

Soon enough, they were splashing the ocean water up at each other, both of them laughing and giggling.

The water was still a little chilly to their fingers that dipped in and out of it, but their submerged calves were now fine since the silky water acted as a blanket. And then Jaemin accidentally got some in Renjun's eye, and Renjun had to quickly reassure Jaemin that he was fine, laughing it off while rubbing his slightly stinging left eye.

It was deja vu—Renjun telling Jaemin that he was _fine,_ just as he had back in the castle, the time he slipped up and mentioned the time his heart acted up. A lot of things gave him deja vu, Renjun thought. He was certain there were still more things to come. Jaemin was just familiar like that.

And then they were getting out of the water and back onto the squishy sand, which stuck to their wet feet in clumps. It felt a little weird, if Renjun were to be honest, the sand squirming underneath him as he stepped on it.

"How about we jump into the water? It's pretty fun; I haven't done it in a long time," Jaemin suggested.

"Sure," Renjun said, excited at the prospect. "We could take a running start and everything."

"Wait, what about your heart?" Jaemin asked.

Renjun said, "That's only when I run _really_ hard, for a long time." It hasn't even acted up since they've left (at least not in that way).

And so Jaemin gave in. "Okay then. We run and jump on three?" Renjun nodded, enthusiastic at the fact that _they were really jumping into the ocean._

They took their running positions a couple meters away from the tide's rippling edge. "One," and they began to sprint. "Two," and they were only two meters away from the water. "Three!"

Renjun jumped as far as he could, taking a large breath of air as he descended, and, when he made a big splash into the ocean, he thought it was just _exhilarating_. He heard the resulting crash and _whoosh,_ the salty but cool water enveloping his body. And then he belatedly realized something _very_ important: he couldn't swim.

He had never learned to swim—he'd never left the castle before, and thus had never gotten the chance to. He guessed it was his own fault that he didn't think to learn _after escaping—_ he had access to plenty of lakes and rivers to practice in. But now, he was in the ocean, larger and deeper than any lake or river. He just screwed up _big time._

He flailed around his limbs in the water, or at least _tried_ to, but the water turned out to be too heavy. If he continued flailing around, he would only waste his strength, so he resigned to having to be saved by Jaemin. Then he faintly heard Jaemin’s exhale after the boy had resurfaced from the water. He could imagine Jaemin was wiping off the water on his face about now.

“That was fun! Why don’t we—” Jaemin’s voice sounded warped by the water, but he could just about make out his words from underwater. _Realize already._ “Renjun? Oh no, don’t tell me...” Jaemin trailed off before taking a deep breath of air and ducking back under.

And soon enough, Jaemin was coming to his rescue, arms reaching under Renjun’s arms and lifting him up to the surface, which he was embarrassed to realize was not all that far; the water only came up to his mid-chest at most. He had been flailing when all he needed to do was simply stand up on his feet.

“Why didn’t you think to stand,” Jaemin teased after he let go of Renjun. It made Renjun blush hard, heat rising to his cheeks and ears.

“I don’t—I don’t know how to swim, _okay?_ I didn’t _know…_ ” Renjun blubbered, flustered. “I-I thought the water was deeper!”

 _“Sure,”_ Jaemin said. “Were you scared?”

Renjun turned his head to face away from Jaemin. “At first I was. Then I figured you would come save me. But then you were taking a while to realize, and I got scared again.”

“Sorry. For not realizing sooner. I should’ve remembered that you can’t swim.”

Renjun shook his head. “It’s fine. What about you? Did _you_ get scared?” Renjun asked playfully, facing Jaemin again to see his reaction. But Jaemin didn’t get shy in the slightest, he didn’t go red in the face. It was like Jaemin wasn’t even listening to him. Instead, Renjun caught the boy looking down at his lips.

Jaemin was looking _at his lips._

The realization startled him, and he stilled, suddenly nervous. For a moment, all Jaemin did was stare at Renjun's lips, and Renjun felt his lips _tingle_ from Jaemin’s strong gaze on them. He gulped as Jaemin placed a hand on the nape of Renjun’s neck, fingers feeling chilly against his skin. (Renjun wasn't sure if it was Jaemin's fingers that were cold or his neck that was warm. It might've been both.)

And then a seagull cawed above, and Renjun shivered, remembering he was soaking wet. Jaemin tore away his gaze and retracted his hand, and, together, they made their way back to the shore.

Only when they got back onto the sand, their clothes thoroughly drenched, did Jaemin answer Renjun’s inquiry.

“So maybe I was worried.”

☁️🌙☁️

The stars dotting the night sky were mesmerizing, surrounding them from all sides in their clusters and formations. It felt so vast, so _limitless._ The sky was especially clear here, making it so easy to see constellations. If Renjun squinted, he could recognize some of them. He had learned some while in the castle through books in the royal library, but he thought the stars looked _much_ prettier on a real night sky rather than on paper. They twinkled like pure magic.

Even though he was positive they were in the northern hemisphere and that it was summer, he saw constellations that shouldn’t have been visible in August—Cancer, Pegasus, Orion—albeit not as brightly as the summer constellations. That was Deissa for you, the country of constellations, he guessed.

Renjun started to pen out another letter to Donghyuck, this time about the stars and the moon, so beautiful and bright where they were that Renjun wished the younger prince was with them. He wished he could see Donghyuck again, but they were under the same moon and stars, and that was good enough for him. Maybe the Ursa Minor could be Donghyuck’s stand in, the constellation that was drawn on his face by his moles.

Jaemin eyed the paper and the pen in Renjun's hand. "Do you mind if I write something?" he asked, and Renjun didn't hesitate to hand him the quill. He watched as Jaemin dipped the quill in the inkwell before scribbling on the page.

Renjun took a peek at the letter when Jaemin had finished only to find a number-coded message that he didn't really understand. He could only be amazed at how quickly Jaemin wrote it all, like he had committed the code to memory. _That,_ or Jaemin was just writing random numbers for the sake of it.

Renjun decided to take a chance. "What did you just write?" he asked.

Jaemin answered him with a question: "What day is it today?"

Renjun looked back at the letter. He had left an empty space for the date because he couldn't bother with counting the days just yet; perhaps Jaemin was just pointing it out to him. He was pretty sure it was August though, so he said that.

“And let me ask you, what day is my birthday?” Jaemin asked. August 13th. Oh gosh, it was Jaemin's birthday soon. “All I said was, ‘you better be wishing me a happy birthday’.”

Renjun frowned in confusion. "If that was all you wrote, then why did you bother writing it in code?" he asked, "it goes right to Donghyuck anyway, so what's the point?"

"I just wanted to give them a hard time," Jaemin replied. Renjun rolled his eyes, because that seemed _just like_ something Jaemin would do. (Later, he realized Jaemin had said _'them',_ but it was too late to ask about it now.)

Jaemin gave him back the letter and quill. Renjun finished the letter, ending it with a sign off. He counted the days on his fingers before writing down ‘2nd of August’ at the top of the page.

02 / 20 06 / 09 05 20 07 07 02 07 26 / 08 07 / 20 12 04 02 07 26 / 11 24 07 03 14 07 / 13 08 / 06 20 11 11 18 / 06 24 / 12 08 08 07 /// 02 / 20 05 11 24 20 23 18 / 01 20 15 24 / 20 / 11 02 07 26 / 20 07 23 / 24 15 24 11 18 13 01 02 07 26 /// 09 24 11 01 20 09 12 / 13 01 02 12 / 16 20 12 / 06 18 / 09 05 20 07 / 25 11 08 06 / 13 01 24 / 21 24 26 02 07 07 02 07 26

Renjun eyed the numerical code suspiciously. From what he knew, in codes like this each number usually represented a letter of the alphabet (the highest number being 26 only proved his theory), but the code contained too many numbers to be what Jaemin had said the code translated to. Unless Jaemin had only told him a summarized version, which was plausible now that he thought about it. He brushed it off, returning his focus to the sky and stars.

The constellations were so entrancing in the way they told him stories. They were simply myths, he knew—tales of gods passed down and folklore documented on now-tattered pages—but that didn’t make them any less mystical.

He didn’t know how long he had spent looking at the stars, recalling their names and the legends they belonged to. It could’ve been a few minutes, or perhaps thirty minutes, or even an hour. Dedicated to the sky, and the sky alone. (Maybe this was a distraction from his feelings, but he wasn’t about to admit that. He wasn’t ready to admit his denial.)

“Let's go to sleep,” Jaemin said. Renjun turned to face him, only to find him running a hair through his hair. “The stars are pretty and all—”

 _“Beautiful,”_ Renjun corrected.

“The stars are _beautiful_ and all, but I don’t think I can stay awake any longer. I can’t really focus on them anymore.”

“Then _you_ can go to sleep. I’ll sleep later,” Renjun said. He couldn’t tear his gaze away from those dazzling brights just yet. He didn’t want to.

Jaemin frowned at him. “Renjun, staying up late is bad for your health.”

Renjun rolled his eyes. “You can’t even tell if it’s late right now. It’s not like we have a clock out here,” he retorted.

“That only proves my point all the more. It could be two in the morning, for all we know. Just go to sleep with me.”

“Have it your way, then,” Renjun huffed, and laid down on the grass next to Jaemin in defeat.

Jaemin pulled the blanket they had already draped over their legs up to their chins. Renjun was still staring up at the sky, admiring the constellations above like a painting done on a black canvas.

And then the fatigue caught up with him—he struggled to keep his eyes open any longer, and he thought he was beginning to understand what Jaemin had meant when he said he couldn’t focus on the stars anymore. As his eyelids got heavier and heavier, the constellations blurred into a mass of white, even though the sky itself was still clear.

Renjun had been close to drifting off to sleep when he felt soft lips ghost over his forehead, and he was almost positive he had imagined it. Maybe it was just the touch of a dream blossoming in his mind.

“Why don’t you seem to get that the most beautiful thing is you,” Jaemin mumbled. It was his imagination. A calloused finger pushed a lock of his hair behind his ear. “I’m afraid the word 'beautiful' will lose its meaning if you keep correcting me.” Yeah, his imagination.

Brushing things off like this was the only way he could keep fooling himself.

☁️☀️☁️

"Why did you ask me to run away with you?" Renjun asked Jaemin, out of the blue. They were sitting upon a hill, looking out into the valley below.

It was sunny to the point of being blinding, and Jaemin only seemed to reflect that light into Renjun's eyes. He looked like he was practically glowing. That, or Jaemin was his own source of light. Jaemin's beauty was a force to be reckoned with, after all, even if the opposing force happened to be the sun itself.

Jaemin just laughed. "Did you really forget what I said that day? I told you that I wanted you to be happy. As a knight, my only real duties were to protect you. _You_ weren't going to ask _me_ to run away with you, so I took it upon myself to ask you first. Not to mention, we're _friends,"_ Jaemin said, and there was a bitter taste on Renjun's tongue from the word 'friends'. Because were they _just_ friends? Did friends give red roses to each other, look at each other’s lips, kiss each other’s foreheads and mumble how beautiful they were? "So that's—"

"Is that all I am to you?" Renjun's words seemed to catch him off guard, he could tell from the way Jaemin flinched. "You're hiding something from me, aren’t you," Renjun said.

Silence. The tension that followed was suffocating. It made him regret bringing this topic up today. He should’ve waited for a better time, he thought, perhaps a day that wasn’t Jaemin’s _birthday_ of all days. He shouldn’t have confronted him about it now, shouldn’t have made Jaemin uncomfortable on a day that should’ve been filled with celebration. But Renjun was just too impatient.

And then Jaemin was saying, "Yeah, you're right. That's not all you are to me."

"Then why won't you tell me?" Renjun asked pleadingly. He _needed_ to know if Jaemin loved him the same way as he loved him. He needed Jaemin to _say it._ And he just didn't know how long he could wait for him to say it. How long he could be fine with them dancing around their feelings. How long he could keep fooling himself, let _Jaemin_ keep fooling him. How long his heart could take it all. (He figured it was best to not push it.)

Jaemin took a deep breath in and out, his exhale shaky with nerves, and Renjun heard him mumble something about a now or never.

"I couldn't stand seeing you dissatisfied with your life—you wanted freedom more than anything. It was what would make you happy. But the truth of it all is, _I_ wanted to be the one to make you happy. You were getting more and more marriage proposals and courting gifts—which I _know_ you said you hated and would never accept, but _still_ —and it was getting increasingly closer to your coronation, and it all made me scared of losing you," Jaemin said, before sighing and looking up at the clouds, expression unreadable. "So what did I do? I decided to keep you all to myself and run away with you. Just you and me, together. It killed two birds with one stone, didn't it?"

And then it all came together, and everything was suddenly clear: this was what Jaemin had meant that night, when they had decided to travel across the border, when Jaemin had told him he would go with him anywhere, would follow him anywhere. The thing Jaemin said that Renjun hadn't been able to hear— _Just say the word, and it could just be us two—_ he was certain it was this. He was certain that this was Jaemin's confession.

“Why did you hide that from me?” Renjun asked hesitantly. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I...I was afraid. I was sure you would hate me for being so selfish. I was afraid of being rejected,” Jaemin said, avoiding Renjun's gaze. It seemed as though he had already resigned himself to rejection.

“You love me, right?" Renjun asked slowly. Jaemin nodded, frowning. Renjun took a deep breath, mustering up all the courage he had. "Well, I love you too.”

And just like that, the secret was out.

“Wait, seriously?” Jaemin said, and the look on his face was _priceless,_ comical in the way his eyes were like saucers. It made Renjun a lot less nervous—confident, even.

“Yes, _seriously._ I thought you would’ve realized sooner, but clearly not,” Renjun said, rolling his eyes. “...I was also afraid of being rejected. I was afraid I was reading things wrong, that the signs I thought were there weren’t _really_ there.”

“What signs?”

“Oh, _I don’t know,_ the staring, the red rose. Maybe the forehead kiss you gave me two weeks ago?” Renjun said, heavy sarcasm evident in his tone.

Jaemin blushed beet red. “You were awake?”

“Not only that, but I heard you say how I was beautiful.”

“I only speak the facts,” Jaemin said, suddenly confident again, jutting out his chest in pride. Renjun shook his head, a smile spreading across his face. Jaemin put his hand on top of Renjun's, squeezing tightly. “...I meant it. You’re beautiful, Renjun.”

Renjun didn’t know how close Jaemin had gotten until that moment. Jaemin was leaning closer towards Renjun now, eyelashes fluttering angelically (he swore he could count them from their close proximity), gaze fixed on his lips. Jaemin licked his lips; Renjun swallowed. The anticipation was killing him, his heart beating so fast and out of control, and it felt as though it would jump out of his chest.

“Renjun, can I...?” Jaemin asked, his voice a low whisper. _Can I kiss you?_ All Renjun's eyes could focus on was the movement of the boy’s lips as he spoke those words, asking for his consent.

“Say you love me,” Renjun murmured. _Just say that you love me, and I’m all yours._

“Huang Renjun, you're all that I want and all that I've wanted for years. I want you more than anything. _I love you._ And I’ll say it as many times as I need to."

And then Jaemin pressed their lips together. The kiss was slow, gentle and _soft,_ soft even though Jaemin's lips still felt chapped. Jaemin was easing him into the kiss, and Renjun was drowning in the feeling of it.

 _Sweet honey and morning dew,_ Renjun thought. That was what enveloped his senses, what screamed to him as love's taste and smell. It was just Jaemin.

"I love you," Jaemin mumbled against Renjun's lips, and the words sent shudders down his spine.

"Say it again," Renjun said, before tilting his head further and deepening the kiss. He just couldn't get enough.

"I...love...you," Jaemin said, breathlessly. Renjun hummed, pleased, before saying 'I love you, too' in return. And Jaemin kissed him harder, and at that moment he felt complete.

As his love for Jaemin was requited and they kissed as a confirmation, it was as though his heart became stronger than ever before—like he could do anything, like his heart was fuller yet still had room to hold _even more_ love. But he had no way of knowing for sure if that was actually the case. It didn't matter.

For that moment, there were no worries. No interruptions. Just him and Jaemin.

☁️☀️☁️

_25th of August, XX63_

_Dear Donghyuck,_

_I know this is my second letter in a month, but I just couldn’t restrain myself. Actually, I tried to wait until next month to pen this out, but it seemed two weeks was too long for me. I want to ask, how have you been? I’ve been good. Maybe a little more than good. Jaemin’s been doing good too. Again, maybe a little more than good. To tell you the honest truth, we’re lovers now. You must be thinking, “finally”. It only took two months of Jaemin avoiding the topic._

_I can feel romantic love, after all. I can handle it. You're happy for me, right? I’ve learned to not underestimate the strength of the heart, because even while mine is of crystal, I’ve found I can hold so much love and emotion. I can feel so much in my heart, sometimes I think it'll burst. You would think it would shatter, but that's not the case. If anything, it's made my heart stronger. Love makes you strong — if love is on your side then you are strong too. Love gives you the power to do anything, to transcend yourself and anything that comes your way. That’s what I think, anyway._

_I mean love in general, by the way. Love for Jaemin, yes, but also love for the sun and stars, love for the earth, love for the people who live on this earth, and love for family. Don't think I'll forget about you; my love for you is going to be a part of me forever. You've been a part of what's strengthened me, and I don't think I can thank you enough for that. Thank you, Donghyuck._

_Your brother, who will always love you,_

_Renjun._

_p.s. I'll most likely send these two letters together, but, in my last letter, Jaemin wrote a code of numbers. I asked him for the answer, and he told me what it is, or supposedly what it is. He didn't teach me how to solve it, though. Here's to hoping you can figure it out!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you get the hint? triple J. it's how to solve the code. triple J, J=3. A=20, D=23, H=1, J=3, M=6. fill in the rest of the letters/numbers, and bam, you got your key. i got inspired to do this by the book "the blackthorn key", which i'm pretty sure is also M=6. you won't miss anything if you don't solve the code, but it's a little easter egg, a secret of what's to come!


	5. Chapter 5

☁️🌙☁️

As night was already upon them, settling over the town like a blanket of darkness, Renjun found he was having trouble falling asleep. It wasn't as if the beds were creaking with age or the mattresses were extraordinarily stiff—the beds were actually quite comfortable and well-kept, for they had chosen a more expensive inn this time—so he wasn’t quite sure why he was still awake. He had tried focusing on the owls hooting outside, his bed being the closest to the windows, hoping they could lull him to sleep, but to no avail.

He silently rolled onto his side to face Jaemin's bed and saw as Jaemin's head, which had been facing the ceiling in silence, then tilted to face away from him. Jaemin was awake, he discovered—or perhaps just half-asleep.

"Renjun," Jaemin began, voice low and groggy from disuse. He could just about make out the words, and he guessed that the other had faced away from him for that reason as a precaution in the case Renjun was actually asleep. "Are you awake right now?"

"Yeah," he replied without missing a beat, taking notice of how Jaemin's chest rose and fell in tempo like the ocean's waves. "I can't sleep."

"Oh, I didn't actually expect you to respond," Jaemin said as he turned to face Renjun, his delicate eyelashes kissing his cheekbones as he blinked. Renjun's breath caught in his chest at the look of Jaemin's skin, silvery-blue and smooth as porcelain in the serene bluish glow of the moon filtering through the curtains. Jaemin was effortlessly ethereal, Renjun thought.

" _I_ didn't expect _you_ to still be awake at this hour," Renjun said, nodding at the small clock on the nightstand between their beds. It read twenty-past-one.

The two of them fell into a tranquil silence. Renjun closed his eyes in hopes of falling back asleep, though only to open them again and let out a heavy sigh. It was just no use.

"Do you ever have those nights where you just feel the need to take a breath of fresh air?" Jaemin said, out of the blue. "I do, and I think tonight might be one of them. For both me _and_ you."

Renjun buzzed his lips together. "Want to go take a breather, then?" he offered, sitting upright and peeling off his comforter before carefully swinging his legs out of bed.

"I might take you up on that," came Jaemin's reply, though he made no move to escape the comfort of his own bed.

Jaemin's eyes followed Renjun as he rose from the bed and treaded a few steps closer till he was hovering over Jaemin. Cupping Jaemin's face in his hands, he swooped down and planted a feather-light kiss on his nose, feeling it twitch under the sensation of his delicate lips as if it had been ticked.

Jaemin cupped Renjun’s face and rose to press their lips together, but Renjun shook his head and pulled away. Jaemin pouted. "Why won't you let me kiss you right now?" he asked.

"I want to get some fresh air," Renjun lilted in response. As much as he may have wanted Jaemin to kiss him then and there, he also wanted to tease Jaemin a bit.

"Fine, fine. If it means I get to kiss you, then let's do this," Jaemin said with a smile, finally getting out of bed. He seemed quite awake now, making Renjun question if he had been hiding his hyperness earlier or had only gotten so excited at the prospect of being able to kiss him for real.

Holding hands, the pair took the stairs down to the main floor of the inn, absentmindedly fixing their dishevelled bed-heads. They caught a glance at the innkeeper at the front desk, a woman most likely in her late thirties or early forties. She was currently straightening a stack of papers, surrounded by the glow of two warm lamps.

"Excuse us, ma'am, we were wondering if you were planning to keep the front door unlocked? We'd like to come back inside after spending some time taking a nice breath of fresh air," Jaemin asked with a wink.

"Most certainly!" She eyed their intertwined fingers, a knowing look on her face. "Gone to sneak out into the night, I see. Have fun then, I'll stay here and unlock the door when you come back," the woman answered, returning Jaemin's wink with a wink of her own, along with a thumbs-up for good measure.

They thanked her before walking out the door, where they were immediately greeted by a calm, cool breeze. Renjun was reminded of the day he ran away from the castle—the weather had been similar (though that had been in May, while it was currently October), and he had snuck out with Jaemin then, too. Everything he was experiencing right now gave him a similar sneaking-out induced exhilaration. The only difference was that they were now a couple holding hands.

Jaemin guided him by the hand into the square, which was now empty of any people, save for a couple drunk stragglers. All the street lamps were turned off in the village, the only source of light coming from the moon and stars. Together they gazed at the moon, the moment already seeming intimate and a bit romantic under its dim shine. There was something charming about nighttime, as if it held its own magic in stardust and monochrome vision.

Then Jaemin began humming a tune, gentle _da_ 's ringing in the dead of the night. Renjun's ears perked as he recognized the string of notes as his favourite waltz piece. He was curious as to how Jaemin knew it, and if he had chosen this particular piece because he knew it was his favourite. It wasn't long, however, until Jaemin stopped his shy singing and let go of Renjun's hand. His curiosity shifted into confusion as Jaemin outstretched his hand to Renjun in a courtly fashion.

“May I have the honour of a dance this fine night, Your Highness?" Jaemin asked lightly, smiling bashfully as though embarrassed to call him 'Your Highness' after all this time.

Renjun rolled his eyes, his former title feeling almost foreign to him. "I wasn't aware you knew how to dance, _Sir Jaemin_ ," he replied with a small smirk, placing his hand atop the former knight's anyway. If Jaemin wanted to revert to their old identities for just one night, then Renjun would indulge him—for how could he ever deny Jaemin?

After taking their positions, they began to step and sway to a slow tempo, finding a common rhythm in silence.

"I learned from my mother. Dancing was a hobby of hers, so she taught me a few things about it," Jaemin said before blowing a stray hair out of his face.

Renjun wondered how skilled at dancing his mother must have been for Jaemin to be this competent of a dancer. Clearly, it was more than a few pointers she must have given for Jaemin to be near perfect at the waltz. _That,_ or he was just a natural.

His ears once again caught onto Jaemin's singing, his voice light and airy as if he was shy. And they continued dancing along, now to the waltz piece of which Renjun found so familiar from his time in the castle.

Now and again Renjun would make a comment to Jaemin, and Jaemin would stop singing for a moment to answer him before continuing with the melody, sometimes with Renjun's help of tracking the skipped notes (they couldn't very well continue exactly where they left off, after all, they had to keep the rhythm and beat).

As the waltz got increasingly complicated they paused their conversation, completely focused on the music and the placement of their feet.

Only when Renjun knew the dance was coming to its end did he decide to speak again, following his muscle memory and Jaemin's guidance as he thought of what to say.

"What piece are you singing to?" Renjun asked as Jaemin twirled him around, curious to find out whether Jaemin actually knew it as a pre-existing piece or not.

Momentarily pausing his leisurely-paced singing, to which Renjun easily filled in the blank notes in his head, Jaemin replied, "Honestly, I have no idea—I'm just singing whatever sounds all ballroom waltz to me."

Renjun giggled, hiding his face from the other by turning his head to the side so his chin touched his shoulder.

"It's actually my favourite piece. I'm surprised you know how it goes, or even know it at all," he said after composing himself, turning back to face Jaemin again though settling his gaze on his ear instead of making eye contact.

Jaemin hummed. "What can I say, my luck is just impeccable, isn’t it," he said with a grin evident in his voice, to which Renjun let out another giggle at.

And then the dance was over, and while Renjun couldn't have seen them from an outsider's view he knew that they had probably looked perfect. It _felt_ perfect. It felt _romantic._

"I really want to kiss you right now," Jaemin admitted, staring deeply through the windows to Renjun's soul before flicking his gaze down to his lips as if asking for permission.

It was so utterly straightforward, typical of Jaemin yet something Renjun thought he might never get used to. Then again, he didn't ever want to get used to it if it meant that the warmth and fuzziness in his chest would wither away, not when that feeling was now finally _his_ after twenty years of not understanding what being in love felt like.

And before he knew it, Jaemin was placing his hands on Renjun's hips and Renjun's hands were snaking up to rest on Jaemin’s nape. Jaemin licked his lips, his eyes glued on Renjun’s, making Renjun’s heart beat erratically with anticipation. Yes, all of this was happening, but why wasn’t Jaemin kissing him yet?

Belatedly, he realized Jaemin really _was_ waiting on his call.

“Go right ahead,” Renjun finally said, to which Jaemin didn’t wait a moment longer to slot their mouths together. The kiss was still sweet like all the other kisses they had shared, yet this time it seemed as though Jaemin couldn’t get enough of the sweetness. But Renjun was always willing to give.

And like always it made him feel slightly lightheaded—their kisses brought him to such dizzying heights every time **—** though not to say he was ever overwhelmed by it. In fact, he enjoyed the feeling immensely, the feeling of not being bound by gravity, the feeling of _flight,_ something he knew could only be an illusion but still loved to experience nonetheless.

It was times like this that he felt as if his spirit animal was a bird, eagerly wanting to soar across the skies where he had abundant freedom. And if Renjun was a bird, certain to fly higher and higher, towards his heart's content, then Jaemin must have been akin to the sea, like an enveloping comfort to the earth with how much he loved all life.

He really couldn't believe that _Jaemin_ loved _him_ the most.

When they eventually broke off the kiss, Jaemin followed up by peppering Renjun's whole face in gentle pecks, like he still couldn't get enough of him. Renjun had to admit he was enjoying it, being showered with love. He liked the feeling of Jaemin’s lips on his skin.

He liked the feeling of Jaemin's lips on his own lips when he crashed them together again. Because Renjun also couldn't get enough of Jaemin, either.

Renjun had a past. Renjun was living in the present. What did the future hold for him—for _them?_

☁️☀️☁️

Renjun woke at the crack of dawn to Jaemin throwing his blanket off his body.

"Wake up, baby. There's something I want to show you," Jaemin said, hovering over Renjun with his face close to his, breath hot against his cheek.

Renjun groaned, turning on his side and pulling the blanket back up to his shoulders. "Isn't it early, though? What could you possibly show me at this hour," he said. Whatever it was, couldn't it wait? He would much rather sleep for longer. The sun hadn't even risen yet!

"Come on, just wake up. I promise it'll be worth it," Jaemin said, shaking him by the shoulders and attempting to persuade him. It wasn't working. "I won't kiss you all day if you don't wake up right now." Yeah, it really wasn't working.

Ever since they’d first become lovers, the two of them made the effort to kiss at least once a day. Most days, they kissed each other in the morning right when they woke up (no matter how gross it may have been) or gave each other small pecks and sweet kisses throughout the day. It was rare that they kissed only once a day. But Renjun could probably live without a kiss for just one day, at least if he was being reasonable. He wouldn't feel too deprived, right? If anyone would feel deprived, it would be Jaemin.

"Wouldn't that be worse for you than it is for me? _You're_ the one that can't keep your hands off me, not the other way around," Renjun mumbled.

Jaemin guffawed, before grasping his chest in mock-pain. Renjun held back his snickering at Jaemin's exaggeration. "Oh, my Renjunnie, you wound me," he said. "Fine, then…if you fall back asleep, I'll pinch your nose and you'll _have_ to wake up!"

"Are you crazy?" Renjun exclaimed, rising up instantly, not wanting to be subjected to _that._

“No, I just said that to scare you into getting up,” Jaemin confessed, and Renjun groaned.

“Well, I’m awake now,” Renjun said defeatedly, rubbing his eyes with one hand and peeling the blanket off with the other. “What is it you want to show me?”

Jaemin grinned. “Just follow me,” he said, standing up and outstretching his hand to Renjun. Renjun grabbed it and pulled himself up, using Jaemin as an anchor. The latter laced their fingers together before leading them up a hill. The sky slowly lightened around them, allowing them to see where they were stepping and not trip over themselves in the dark, and Renjun was beginning to realize what Jaemin was taking him to see—the whole point was that the sun hadn’t risen yet.

"It’s beautiful, isn’t it," Jaemin said once they had made it to the top of the hill.

"Yes, it is," Renjun agreed. The sunrise, a pretty pinkish-purple hue, was _beautiful,_ and he thanked Jaemin for waking him up to see it from up here. Jaemin replied by saying it was nothing at all.

The dawn breeze rustled the leaves and washed over him, and Renjun was pleased with how relaxing and _simple_ it was. The sky’s hues changed before their eyes, the gradient starting yellow on the horizon from the sun, gradually getting peach towards the middle and more purple as he looked up.

And then, out of the blue, Jaemin was asking, "Do you ever think that your family thinks we ran away to elope?"

Renjun turned to face Jaemin, his own face most likely revealing how puzzled he was at Jaemin’s odd question. To be perfectly honest, it had never crossed his mind—he had written in his goodbye letters his reasoning for leaving, and that reason certainly hadn’t been to _elope._ He hadn’t even mentioned Jaemin in his letters. But why was Jaemin asking him that _now_ of all times? Jaemin let go of his hand and gulped. "Why don't we make that a reality?" he asked, and Renjun's eyes widened.

Jaemin then went on one knee before him and Renjun gasped as Jaemin revealed a ring of gold from his pocket. His heart began to pick up the pace—he couldn't believe it. Was this _really_ happening right now, or was this all some dream? He dearly hoped it was real.

"Renjun, I love you. I say this every day, and I still don't think I say it enough. I have so many _I love you_ 's to say throughout my lifetime, and I want to tell them all to you. I want to dedicate my life to loving you. Well, I guess you could argue that I _already_ dedicate my life to you—I _have_ since we were kids," Jaemin said, his voice speeding up out of what was probably nervousness. “Point is, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to be by your side forever, protect you forever. I want to grow old with you. Will you let me? Will you marry me?”

Renjun was shocked at the sudden proposal—nervous, even, of how he should respond—but he couldn’t deny his bubbling happiness. All Renjun could blubber out were questions like, "When did you get the time to buy that?” and “How much did that cost?"

Jaemin shook his head, smiling. "So _what,_ are you gonna give me an answer or are you just going to leave me hanging?"

Renjun thought way back to something Donghyuck had said to him: _do you believe you can actually handle a marriage of true romantic love?_ Well, Renjun thought the answer was yes. Of course he could, because of his strong, true love for Jaemin that had given him the power to overcome anything.

“Yes,” Renjun said happily, “my answer is yes!” Jaemin then took Renjun’s left hand and slid on the band. Jaemin pressed a kiss to his knuckles, his thumb brushing on the ring. And when Jaemin let go, Renjun bent down and cupped Jaemin’s face, pecking him on his forehead in return. The two sat down on the hill, the sunrise long forgotten in the background. They kissed and giggled as they accidentally bumped noses.

It was perfect.

☁️☀️☁️

The sun was beaming brightly down on the newly-wedded couple. Jaemin squeezed Renjun’s hand, and Renjun squeezed back; they were hoping they could settle down here, in this small town. Open landscape and vast crop fields, it seemed like the perfect place to live in, not as hectic as the capital city yet not lacking in wonder. The weather seemed to be just right here, too, not cold like at the coast nor sweltering hot.

Renjun and Jaemin had dismounted from their horse to walk around to look for the stables. Then a man approached the two of them.

The man smiled warmly at them. “Welcome to our small village of Lindow. Are you two looking for the stables?” he asked, and the two of them nodded. “I’m Xiaojun. I work in the stables.”

“Nice to meet you, Xiaojun. I’m Jaemin, and this is Renjun,” Jaemin introduced.

Xiaojun lead them to the stables, only the sound of their footsteps and Chip's neighing filling the silence. Once they had entered, he opened a sort of room and let Chip enter, and Jaemin paid Xiaojun a few coins. Renjun noticed that there was a group of boys—men, actually—lying on the haystacks, seemingly waiting for Xiaojun to come back.

“Xiaojun,” one of them said, “what took you so long?”

“I was just leading these two here,” Xiaojun supplied. “Customers.”

“Oh, okay. Hello,” the same man said, sitting up to face them. “Where are the two of you headed? You’re travellers, right?”

“Yes, we’re travellers,” Renjun replied. "Actually, we don’t know where we’ll be headed for now. We might stay here for a while.”

The man’s face brightened noticeably, as though they usually only had passing travellers. That might actually have been the case, Renjun realized, since there probably weren’t many travellers that wanted to settle down. He had omitted the part about them considering settling down here, not wanting to bring anyone's hopes up in case they ended up deciding on elsewhere, though it didn't stop the man from looking hopeful anyhow.

Xiaojun coughed, catching their attention. “This calls for an introduction. This is Yangyang, he works in the fields,” he said, pointing at the man they had been just talking to. “Hendery, he’s apprentice to the blacksmith. Sicheng, the village baker—he’s the oldest of our friend group,” Xiaojun said, pointing to each of them as he spoke. “And—”

“Hendery!” Someone said, interrupting Xiaojun. All of them whipped their heads at the new voice, a tall man running into the stables towards them. “Do you think you could—oh, who’re they?” he said. This caught the facepalm of the one named Hendery, and the others sighed.

“What I was _about_ to say was,” Xiaojun said, continuing from where he left off, “one of us has run off somewhere, but you might see him around later today. Now here he is. Jaemin, Renjun, meet Yukhei. Yukhei, Jaemin and Renjun.”

“I’m Yukhei. I’m a knight-in-training,” Yukhei said, smiling pridefully.

Jaemin and Renjun shared a glance. This was the first time ever since they started their journey that they encountered another knight. Well, Yukhei said he was simply a knight-in-training.

“You know, I haven’t seen you wield your sword in ages,” Renjun said to Jaemin. There had been no reason to, for they hadn’t encountered any form of danger on their journey. "Your sword skills must've gotten rusty by now," Renjun thought aloud.

Jaemin shook his head. “Just because you haven’t _seen_ me doesn’t mean I haven’t been practicing. I only practice after you fall asleep. I feel the need to, probably because it’s gotten ingrained in me after years of training to become a knight,” he explained.

“Hold on, you’re training to become a knight too? Or were?” Yukhei asked excitedly.

“I _was_ a knight,” Jaemin said.

“For real? Then how about we spar?” Yukhei suggested.

“Like, right now?” Jaemin asked reluctantly.

“When else? Oh, I know! Let’s make a bet,” Yukhei began, and Renjun got nervous when Yukhei turned to look at him. “How about...whoever wins the spar gets to kiss Renjun’s hand?”

Xiaojun whacked the back of Yukhei's head. “ _Idiot,_ aren’t Jaemin and Renjun married? Look at their rings,” he said. Yukhei’s eyes then zeroed in on their hands, and he must’ve just seen their matching gold bands as his eyes widened.

“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry,” Yukhei said quickly.

“...It’s fine,” Renjun said, popping into the conversation, and all eyes turned to him. “It’s just a kiss on the hand. I don’t mind.”

Jaemin scoffed. “Well, Renjunnie, _I do._ How can you just say that it’s fine?” Jaemin said, obviously jealous from they way he was getting so worked up. _Then all you need to do is win,_ Renjun thought.

“Just go with it. I’ll be rooting for Yukhei here to win,” Renjun said as a joke. But it was like that had ignited a fire inside of Jaemin, and suddenly he became fearful for Yukhei.

“I can’t believe...fine then, I’ll spar. But only to prove that my skills haven’t gone rusty,” Jaemin said, though it seemed a lot more like Jaemin was doing it to keep his pride. Renjun smiled.

“I’ll go get the wooden swords,” Hendery said sighingly, walking out of the stables like he was used to this sort of thing. They all followed him out of the stables to an open space, but stayed and waited just out front.

When Hendery had come back from wherever he had gone to get the swords, he handed one to Yukhei and one to Jaemin. Renjun noticed how Hendery had brought extras, as if the others might break, but he didn’t question it. Jaemin handed his real sword to Renjun before walking back to Yukhei.

The others had begun sitting down, and Renjun joined them on the grass, setting the sword by his side. He was sitting beside Sicheng.

Sicheng nudged Renjun with his elbow. “You don’t really mean to root for Yukhei, right? You’re actually rooting for Jaemin, aren’t you.”

Renjun hummed. “I can’t deny that I said that to rile him up. It didn’t look like Jaemin was going to accept until I did,” Renjun said. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Jaemin spar.”

“You know, Yukhei should have the advantage here,” Sicheng said. “He’s taller, and he’s been practicing non-stop these days. I’d say he’s pretty strong.”

Renjun looked back at Jaemin and Yukhei. “I have faith Jaemin will win,” he said, “Jaemin’s got experience. He’s also strong. And he reacts quickly.” He wanted to brag about how Jaemin was the prodigal knight, but he bit his tongue.

They all watched as Jaemin and Yukhei took their stance, waiting for Yangyang to start the match. Then the spar began, and the two knights clashed swords. Jaemin was holding his own against Yukhei, even when the latter was using his height to his advantage. And then the match was over in a flash—Jaemin had ducked and swung a leg at Yukhei’s ankles, tripping him, and in the moment that he was falling backwards Jaemin had knocked Yukhei’s sword out of his hand. Yangyang proclaimed Jaemin as the winner of the spar.

“Hey, that was dirty!” Yukhei said.

“We didn’t exactly set out any rules,” Jaemin said. “I’ve learned from being a knight that anything goes in a real fight. Anything goes in a war.”

“Aw man,” Yukhei said defeatedly, lying down except to sulk rather than rest.

“I didn’t know how strong you would be, so I wanted to end it as quickly as I could, but you’re pretty strong,” Jaemin said, smiling down at Yukhei.

“You’re pretty strong too, I think—”

“But I’m stronger,” Jaemin said. Yukhei’s eyes widened. “If you want to spar again sometime, I’ll be glad to.”

“Then how about we call a rematch right now? I want to see your full potential, your full strength,” Yukhei said, jumping up on his feet.

“Yeah! A rematch!” the others hollered. Renjun smiled.

“Well, I think first I want my prize,” Jaemin said, walking towards Renjun. He sat down in front of him, grabbing his hand and bringing it to his lips.

Renjun giggled. “Are you sure a hand-kiss is enough for you?”

Jaemin looked up from Renjun’s hand. “If you want a kiss, Renjun, then just ask for a kiss,” Jaemin said.

“I think you guys can do that later, when we’re _not_ around to see,” Hendery said. Renjun and Jaemin shared sheepish smiles.

“So now can we spar again?” Yukhei asked, and Jaemin stood up again, picking up the sword he had thrown on the ground after the match was finished.

And so the two knights sparred again and again, the rest of them laughing and having fun watching them. Hendery turned out to make the right decision in bringing extra swords, for Yukhei broke his into splinters mid-spar and they had to start over.

When they had enough spars to satisfy Yukhei, Sicheng took Renjun and Jaemin around town to explore. The oldest apologized that there wasn’t much to see in this small town, but Renjun replied saying he quite liked how peaceful it was out here.

Sicheng had lead them to his bakery—Renjun could tell it was a bakery from the plaque above the door, a loaf of bread—and he pushed open the door to let them all inside. It smelled no short of heavenly, delectable sweets and pastries galore, and their mouths watered.

Sicheng ran to one of the ovens, muttering something about hoping it didn’t burn, and opened it. He took two thick cloths to protect his hands from burning and took out two trays, setting them on a work desk. On the trays were puff pastries with raspberry and blueberry jam. “Help yourselves,” Sicheng said. When Jaemin went into his pouch for coins, the baker shook his head. “It’s fine, just take them. I really don’t mind—I made these for the others, but I don’t mind sharing them with you guys too.”

They thanked Sicheng gratefully before attempting to grab a pastry each, but they seemed to have forgotten that they were fresh out of the oven, and thus were scorching hot. They pulled away quickly, dropping the pastries back down on the tray, and Sicheng chuckled, saying they were getting quite hasty. “Sorry, I should’ve told you to wait before trying to pick them up.”

While they were waiting for the pastries to cool down, they asked Sicheng a little bit about his group of friends, like how long they’ve been friends, if they were all born here.

“We’ve been friends since our childhood—we were all born here, and we’ve never left town. Well, Yukhei’s left—he’s only back for a little while—and Yangyang’s been to the capital once before,” Sicheng said. Then his face turned sad, eyes looking dazed and mouth turned into a frown. “There were two others in our group, but they moved away. I think they loved each other, but they never told their feelings. Well, I know for sure it at least went one way. But then one of them moved to another town with his family, and then moved to a whole ‘nother country. We haven’t heard from him since. And then the other moved to the capital. We hear back from him now and again, he sends us letters on how he’s doing—he owns a library. They were older than me, but since they left, I’m the oldest of our group now.”

 _A library...in the capital…_ it sounded familiar to Renjun.

“You guys must miss them a lot,” Jaemin commented.

Sicheng nodded. “I try not to mention them to the others, since it puts us all into a slump. But when one of us _does_ mention them, we all become crying messes,” he said, laughing awkwardly. “Sorry, that must’ve been a downer on your moods.”

“Ten?” Renjun said, and he was afraid Sicheng had gotten whiplash by how quickly he whipped his head to Renjun, eyes widened.

“How do you know who Ten is?” Sicheng questioned. “Have you met him?”

“We went to the capital a few months ago. I went to the library and met Ten there,” Renjun explained.

“Wait, is that the librarian who gave you that book?” Jaemin asked, and Renjun nodded. _The person that gave me love advice about my feelings for you,_ Renjun wanted to say but didn't get the chance to as Sicheng was quick to say something.

“How was he doing? Did he look healthy?” Sicheng asked, eager to hear about Ten.

“He seemed to be doing fine, he looked healthy, but I think he’s been lonely. I struck up a conversation with him, and he said that had been his first real talk with someone in a long time. And...” Renjun said, swallowing awkwardly as he remembered Ten saying he had been heartbroken. “He said he was heartbroken.” Sicheng inhaled sharply.

“...Thank you. For talking to him. I’m sure he really appreciated you doing so. It must’ve made him happy,” Sicheng said, and Renjun didn’t know how else to respond other than nod. “I was sure they had feelings for each other, but maybe I was wrong. But I thought Kun would at least let Ten down easy...”

 _Kun._ Jaemin elbowed Renjun before bringing his mouth close to Renjun's ear to whisper. “You don’t think it’s...” Jaemin said, before trailing off.

“I don’t know,” Renjun replied under his breath. Could it be Kun, his former butler? The chances, Renjun knew, were slim—it was easy to brush it off as a simple coincidence that they shared the same name. But he also knew that Kun had come from Deissa. It was a possibility.

“Oh, I think you guys can eat the pastries now,” Sicheng said, gesturing to the trays, but neither of them were craving them anymore, too focused on whether they were thinking about the same Kun or not. They each took one anyway, just so that Sicheng wouldn’t get sad. Renjun bit into it. It tasted delicious, still warm to the touch, the jam sweet and the pastry flaky and buttery. But his mind was still on Kun.

Should he ask? Was he invading their privacy by doing so? What would he do if it really was the same Kun? Would he try to meddle around? Would that be the best idea? Maybe it was best to not remind Ten, so he could get over it with time. But he had no clue of how long Ten had agonized over this; it could’ve been years since he had been initially heartbroken, and from the time Renjun had seen him, he still looked pained. Maybe it was better to give Ten closure instead, if it truly turned out to be that Kun didn’t return Ten’s feelings.

Renjun looked beside him at Jaemin, who was looking at him with a worried expression on his face. He realized that he must’ve looked out of it for a while there.

“You’re thinking about what’s the best thing to do, right?” Jaemin said, whispering again. “I’m sure you can figure it out. Just have faith in yourself. I have faith that even if you make the wrong choice, you can fix your mistake.”

Renjun took a breath in. Then out. He’d rather try than regret. If he could give Ten his closure, then the bookkeeper would be able to move on. Or if he could fix a misunderstanding, in the case that Kun _did,_ in fact, return Ten’s feelings after all, then maybe Ten and Kun could be happy together (or apart; love could travel a distance).

“Sicheng,” Renjun began slowly. Sicheng hummed, taking a pastry for himself to eat. “I might be wrong about this, but if it’s not too much to ask, what was Kun’s family name?”

“Do you think you might know him?” Sicheng asked.

“Again, I might be wrong, but we know a Kun. From back in Frella,” Renjun said.

“...Qian. Qian Kun,” Sicheng said. Bingo. Renjun and Jaemin shared a glance. Now what? They couldn’t exactly tell Sicheng that they knew Kun because he worked in the castle, because then they’d have to reveal that Renjun used to be a prince.

“That’s him. Thank you, Sicheng. That’s all we need to know,” Jaemin said for Renjun.

“It was nothing at all,” Sicheng said. He took the pastries and put them in a basket one by one. “I’m going to bring these to the others now. You two can continue exploring the town if you’d like. Find an inn to stay at—it’s on the main street, just across from here, by the way. If you want to join us later, we’ll probably be at the stables again.”

They smiled and Sicheng, and Sicheng smiled in return. And then Sicheng was out the door, the basket of the pastries in arm. They noticed that Sicheng had left two over on the tray for them, and Renjun thought that Sicheng was too nice.

“So what are you going to do?” Jaemin asked, before taking a bite of his second puff pastry. “Now that you know it’s really Kun. And you know Ten loved him.”

“I think I’m going to send a letter to Kun. Tell him we’re in his hometown. Tell him we met his old friends. Tell him they miss him and want to hear from him. Maybe then Kun will send them a letter.”

“And about Ten? Are you going to mention him?” Jaemin said in between bites.

“I’m still not sure,” Renjun said. “To be honest, I want to give Ten some closure, in case they didn’t clear their feelings up. But I’m not so sure that would be a good idea, because what if Kun wanted to forget about Ten?”

“Even _if_ Kun wanted to forget about him, he should still give Ten the closure he deserves.”

“To let him move on?”

“Yeah,” Jaemin said. “It’s a small world, isn’t it?”

“It seems so,” Renjun said, smiling.

☁️☀️☁️

**DONGHYUCK POV**

Donghyuck scribbled his signature on paper after paper after paper, all requests of his royal court and representatives. It was downright exhausting, having to sit in his study for hours to go through all this paperwork.

It was January now, eight months after Renjun had left the castle. Donghyuck had since been taking on his brother’s load, and his already large amount of paperwork had tripled in size. He’d never realized how much work Renjun had as the crown prince all this time until he’d received it all. And with Renjun’s paperwork came his title as crown prince. It was all Donghyuck’s now. He supposed it was what he had wanted—to be next in line for the throne. He wanted had this; he couldn’t deny. Now that he had it, though, he wasn’t quite sure if he had wanted the right thing.

A knock then came at Donghyuck’s door, and without looking up from his desk he told whomever it was to enter. The door promptly opened, and the person stepped inside.

“Prince Donghyuck, you’ve received another letter,” Taeil, Donghyuck’s attendant, said. Donghyuck’s ears perked, desperately hoping it was another letter from Renjun. He had a collection of all the letters he received from Renjun, and he was eager to read the latest one and add it to his collection. If this letter turned out to be one of Renjun’s letters, that is.

“From whom?” Donghyuck asked, wanting to make sure that it was a letter from Renjun before he got too disappointed.

“It’s from Renjun, Your Highness,” Taeil confirmed, handing the envelope into the prince’s hands.

_Donghyuck remembered clearly the night Renjun had left. It had been an early hour when he was woken by Taeil, only to be told that Renjun had run away. Donghyuck had dashed to Renjun's room to see for himself, finding guards stationed outside the door, and when he entered he saw that the balcony door was wide open and a thick rope was hanging down from the balcony. His heart had sank; Renjun was really gone, had really run away._

_The king and queen had been there already, sitting on Renjun's bed with solemn expressions on their faces, tears falling from their eyes as they stared down at the letters in their hands. Kun, Renjun’s attendant, had been there also, with the only evidence that he, too, was torn by Renjun's disappearance being his slightly puffy eyes. When Kun had acknowledged Donghyuck's presence, he handed the prince a letter of his own. To Donghyuck, my dearest baby brother, that had been who it was addressed to._

14th of May, XX63

Dear Donghyuck,

Let me start off with a memory, one from when you were seven and I was eight, about a year after we discovered my crystal heart. You were having fun in the grass, frolicking in the sunshine, but I could only sit by and watch since Mother and Father had forbidden me from playing. And then, you saw that I was sad and caught a butterfly for me to cheer me up, which to this day I still don't know how you managed. Maybe we can never go back to those days, but we were just beginning to mend our relationship, and for that I'm sorry. But I have to leave. This letter is a goodbye from me to you; I promise it's not your fault, so don't blame yourself. I love you, Donghyuck, and I want you to always remember that.

Your brother, a crown prince no longer,

Renjun.

_As much as he had wanted to crumple up the sheet of paper, his hands still held onto the letter so gently, his grip so loose that the delicate parchment was close to slipping out of his grasp. I promise it's not your fault, so don't blame yourself. That had meant an awful lot to him, even making his eyes sting with tears. The truth of the matter was that Donghyuck hadn’t actually hated Renjun. He never had. He just hadn't wanted Renjun to get hurt by everything that came with being king. That was why he had said all of his criticism—to deter him from wanting it even more, or to at least prepare him for it all._

_It hadn’t been much longer until everyone in the room was bawling. Then, the king had opened yet another letter, though one with a red seal instead of Renjun's blue one, meaning it was from someone else. They had all waited in silence for his father to say something, but the king had somehow been rendered speechless after reading that letter._

_“Your Majesty, should I arrange for soldiers to go looking for Prince Renjun?” Kun had asked, breaking the silence. The king had only shook his head in return, not providing any sort of explanation. Kun had nodded, saying, “If that is what you wish, then I shall not send any soldiers after him.”_

_Donghyuck's eyes then had caught on to the coat of arms on the rouge seal, signifying a knight of the Order, and he quickly understood who it was from that made the king act this way. He felt glad that Jaemin was with Renjun, that his older brother hadn't run away by himself._

_Then one of the guards had come knocking at the door. “Excuse me for interrupting, but something has just come up, Your Majesties. It needs your immediate attention, and it seems it cannot wait,” the guard said. Donghyuck had frowned, for what could it be? And then the guard had reeled another person into the room, and he was shocked to find it was Jeno, the gate-guard._

_“Your Majesties, there’s something I should confess to you,” Jeno had begun, his jaw set in apprehension. “I was the one who let Prince Renjun escape.”_

_Time had frozen at that moment, and the tension felt unbearable. Donghyuck gulped. It was Jeno? He couldn’t believe it, yet at the same time he could; Jeno had great loyalty to the crown, yes, but he also had great loyalty to his friends, and his friends included Renjun and Jaemin. He would do anything for them, even if it meant endangering himself._

_“You, your name is Lee Jeno, correct?” the king had asked. Jeno nodded. “Let us all head down to the throne room. It seems we have much to discuss,” the king said._

_The royal family and Jeno had then collected in the throne room to decide the gate-guard’s fate. It was then that Jeno gave Donghyuck yet another letter for him to read (Renjun's letter was still with him, tucked in his pocket). He saw the red seal and figured immediately it was from Jaemin. Donghyuck opened the letter, and he found that its contents were very short and to the point._

Prince Donghyuck, I’m sure you’ve figured out it was me who took Renjun by now. I'm going to use all my favours in one go. Please save Jeno for me, he doesn’t deserve death. If those favours you owe me aren’t great enough, then do it for Renjun. His Majesty will decide the rest. — Jaemin.

_'His Majesty will decide the rest'. Donghyuck didn't understand that part, but he understood what Jaemin had meant by favours—Jaemin was using the many small favours Donghyuck had owed Jaemin since they first met as kids, all at once to equal one large favour._

_He had to admit, Jaemin had been smart for collecting all those favours across the years. Donghyuck owed Jaemin so many favours, some slightly greater than others and vice versa, he was sure all those favours accounted for twice as much of a favour such as this._

_Though even without the favours, Donghyuck was certain he would save Jeno anyway, simply because he knew Jeno was one of Renjun’s only friends. Renjun would be distraught if he ever learned that a friend of his had died because of him, he would feel guilty, and Donghyuck wanted Renjun to be free from burden._

_Donghyuck knew well that something such as counted as treason, and that the punishment for treason was either execution or exile. He would try his best to convince his parents to not opt for the former, though when it came to the latter he wasn’t too sure he could prevent. Exile was a much more desirable punishment than death, but Donghyuck felt as though just saving Jeno from execution wasn’t enough to fulfill all of Jaemin’s favours._

_“What do you believe the most suitable form of punishment is?” the king had asked._

_“Certainly not execution—I don’t believe Lee Jeno’s actions are severe enough to call for it,” Donghyuck had said._

_“I, too, am against execution,” the queen had said. Good, good, his mother was on his side with this. He knew his mother detested killing, only choosing to reserve it for the utmost criminals of society. “Lee may have committed an act of treason, but he confessed to the crime right away. Thus, I suggest we exile him instead.” Donghyuck winced. It seemed there wasn’t another choice between execution and exile, but exile was enough. He just hoped Jaemin would forgive him._

_“I do not think exile is the way we should go with this,” the king had then said, and Donghyuck’s heart dropped. Then the king continued, “Jeno here has valuable assets—his strength parallels Sir Jaemin’s, only he chose not to take the path of knighthood, and loyalty.” The king turned to look at Jeno, who was looking as though he didn’t understand what the king was getting at, to which Donghyuck couldn’t blame him for; Donghyuck wasn’t too sure either. “I commend you, Jeno, for turning yourself in. I’m sure that you were aware that you would most likely face execution if you did this, and yet you still did it. But I ask you not to fret over your fate; you will face neither execution or exile. Execution has been ruled out—all three of us have voted against it—and I have ruled out exile myself. You have assets, Jeno, and we would be fools to put them to waste.”_

_“I see,” the queen had said. “If we exile him, not only would we have a weaker defence at the gate, but there would also be nothing stopping Lee from spilling whatever secrets he knows as a guard to our enemies.”_

_Donghyuck resisted his urge to take a large sigh of relief. Instead, he looked to his father, and he was surprised to find him looking at him as if waiting for his cue. “So what do you suggest we do, Father?” Donghyuck had asked._

_“I suggest we make Jeno your bodyguard,” the king had answered. “I believe Jeno is someone who we can trust, and after today he has more than proven his loyalty to serve so closely to us.”_

_"I can agree to that, Father," Donghyuck had said._

_"If that is what you two think is best, then I have no reason to object," the queen had said._

_The three royals turned to Jeno. "Is this alright with you, Lee Jeno?" the king had asked._

_Jeno had knelt before them, bowing his head and putting a hand on his heart in an oath. "I accept all responsibilities as Prince Donghyuck's bodyguard, Your Majesty. I vow to protect him with my life," Jeno said._

_Jeno became Donghyuck's bodyguard effective immediately. All parties were dismissed, the king and queen leaving the throne room to their chambers, leaving Donghyuck and Jeno to themselves._

_"Follow me, Lee Jeno," Donghyuck said, and Jeno nodded at him. He needed to speak with Jeno, and privately._

_As they made their way towards Donghyuck's study, traipsing the halls, Jeno spoke up. "Please, Prince Donghyuck, call me Jeno."_

_"Alright then, Jeno. I need to ask you a few things," Donghyuck said. Jeno nodded hesitantly._

_Soon enough, they made it to Donghyuck's study. The door had been locked, and Donghyuck took out a key from his pocket to unlock it. The two entered the room, pitch dark without the aid of a flame, and so Donghyuck had grabbed his oil lamp and walked back outside to light it with one of the already lit lamps hanging on the walls. He closed the door behind him gently, before setting the lamp on his desk._

_“Jeno,” Donghyuck began, and he didn’t miss how Jeno gulped. “You helped Jaemin and my brother escape, yes?” Jeno nodded. “How did he convince you to help?”_

_“I owed him a great debt. I’ve been waiting for the day I could finally pay it off,” Jeno said. So Jeno had also owed Jaemin a favour. It seemed a lot of people owed Jaemin favours._

_“Did you know what he was planning? He must’ve let you in on it. How you would be saved, I mean.”_

_Jeno shook his head. "Honestly, I'm curious as to what his plan was. Jaemin’s plotting side is a complete enigma to me—I have no idea what goes on in that head of his," Jeno said, "he only told me at the gates before they headed off, 'I know what you're going to do, but when you do it, give this to Prince Donghyuck. This is part of my plan,' so if either of us knows, it should be you."_

_"The only thing his letter told me was to save you,” Donghyuck said._

_Then they had realized that the king probably knew more since he had gotten a letter from Jaemin too. Donghyuck had told Jeno that he’d be right back before exiting the room, without an explanation._

_Donghyuck was going to steal the king’s letter._

_He had passed a few guards on his way to his parent’s chambers, and he acknowledged them by saying brief greetings to them. They had returned his greetings, expressing apology for having not noticed the former first prince was gone before it was too late. Donghyuck said it was alright (even though it was their fault; he couldn’t imagine what the situation would be if Jaemin and Renjun had gotten caught—there was just no excuse for the knight). “I hope Prince Renjun—Renjun is happy,” one of the guards said, and Donghyuck guessed that Renjun had written a goodbye letter to the guards as well._

_After that, he continued on his quest to get the letter. When he reached the door, he silently pressed his ear against it, listening for any movement on the other side. He couldn’t very well steal the letter if his parents were still awake._

_Then, someone tapped on Donghyuck’s shoulder, making him jump. He turned around only to find Taeil standing there, and he sighed in relief. Things could’ve gone badly if he had been caught by someone else. Taeil led them away from the door to talk._

_“Prince Donghyuck, may I ask what it is you’re doing here?” Taeil asked in a whisper._

_“That’s none of your concern,” Donghyuck said, avoiding the older man's gaze._

_Taeil frowned. “As your attendant, everything you do is of my concern. You were going to steal something again, weren’t you?” he said knowingly._

_Donghyuck sighed. Why he even tried to hide it, he didn't know—his attendant was good at detecting lies, especially from the prince, having been appointed to serve Donghyuck ever since he was ten. “Yes, I was, Taeil,” he admitted._

_“You want the letter, don’t you? Jaemin’s letter to the king,” Taeil said._

_“How did you...” Donghyuck began, only to trail off when Taeil revealed a folded piece of parchment. It had Jaemin’s red seal on it, so there was no doubt in his mind that it was, in fact, Jaemin’s. Donghyuck opened his mouth to say something, but Taeil brought a finger to his mouth as a reminder for him to speak quietly. “How on earth did you manage to get that?” he asked Taeil._

_Taeil handed Donghyuck the letter, still crisp and clean. “Don’t ask. Just take it, and return it to me at the library. Understand, Your Highness?”_

_Donghyuck nodded. “Thank you so much, Taeil,” he said before walking back to meet with Jeno._

_Donghyuck opened the door to his study, and Jeno’s head whipped to the door. “Your Highness, what took you so long? I was beginning to get anxious,” Jeno said._

_Donghyuck closed the door behind him yet again. “I just needed to get something,” he said, before showing Jeno the letter._

_Jeno’s eyes widened. “Is that what I think it is?” Donghyuck nodded. “Did you steal it?” Jeno asked._

_“Perhaps,” Donghyuck mumbled, before sitting on a cushioned ledge by the window. He beckoned Jeno to join him. “Let’s read what’s inside.”_

_Donghyuck unfolded the letter, and Jeno leaned closer so he could see before quickly backing out of Donghyuck’s space, apologizing. Donghyuck said it was fine, and Jeno reluctantly leaned closer again._

_The letter was just as to the point as his letter to Donghyuck, he found._

I’m going to keep Renjun safe, I can promise that. I’ll promise it with my life. But I need you to make two choices and to think carefully. Me keeping Renjun safe is only going to take effect if the rest of my plan goes as I want it to. The first choice is to either send soldiers after us, or to let us go freely. If you come after us, and you find us, I know I will be killed for treason, so I’ll kill the both of us before you can. The second choice is one you must make soon after the first, to either give a grave punishment to a certain someone or to not give a grave punishment. Which choices do you think would work in my favour? — Jaemin.

_That was what the letter had said. After the two had finished reading it, Donghyuck scoffed. He thought that Jaemin was one cheeky bastard, forcing even the king’s hand to go in his favour. Then his eyes caught onto the code on it, which he had absolutely no idea how to decipher. He was lost as he looked at the numbers, trying his best to make sense of it but failing miserably._

+3=06

12 24 24 / 02 / 04 07 24 16 / 06 18 / 09 05 20 07 / 16 08 14 05 23 / 16 08 11 04 / 08 14 13 /// 13 01 24 / 25 20 22 13 / 18 08 14 11 24 / 11 24 20 23 02 07 26 / 13 01 02 12 / 12 20 18 12 / 20 12 / 06 14 22 01 /// 11 24 07 03 14 07 / 02 12 / 12 20 25 24 / 16 02 13 01 / 06 24 /// 02 / 09 11 08 06 02 12 24 /// 02 05 05 / 13 11 18 / 06 18 / 21 24 12 13 / 13 08 / 06 20 04 24 / 01 02 06 / 01 20 09 09 18

_“Your Highness, may I have the letter?” Jeno had piped up, and Donghyuck didn’t hesitate to hand it over. "I know how to solve this, but it might take some time," Jeno said. "Do you have a sheet of paper I can use? I need to copy the code."_

_Donghyuck quickly opened one of his desk drawers, accidentally taking out two in his rush, and handed them to Jeno. Jeno, as fast as he could, wrote down the code and key, and as soon as he was finished, Donghyuck went to return it to Taeil at the library._

_When Donghyuck had came back to his study, Jeno was still halfway into deciphering the code. He peered over Jeno’s shoulder and saw “+3=6” written at the top like on the letter, along with a list of number-letter pairings, like “A=20”, “H=01”, “M=06”. And then Donghyuck began to understand the code._

_“The actual code is ‘J plus three equals six’, and the third letter after J is M, so M equals six,” Jeno explained, and Donghyuck nodded in understanding._

_“How do you know it’s J?” Donghyuck asked. Jeno had replied that since both their names started with J, they chose J. “Why didn’t Jaemin just say ‘J equals three’. Or just ‘equals three’, if the purpose was to hide the fact that it was J?”_

_“He probably did it to be annoying,” Jeno answered._

_“Didn’t he ever consider that we might be on a time constraint?” Donghyuck said, shaking his head._

_Donghyuck watched in awe as Jeno rapidly scratched letter after letter in ink on the page. And then Jeno dropped the pen on the desk, and Donghyuck knew he had solved it from Jeno’s triumphant smile._

SEE / I / KNEW / MY / PLAN / WOULD / WORK / OUT /// THE / FACT / YOURE / READING / THIS / SAYS / AS / MUCH /// RENJUN / IS / SAFE / WITH / ME /// I / PROMISE /// ILL / TRY / MY / BEST / TO / MAKE / HIM / HAPPY

_Jeno and Donghyuck looked at each other, smiling as they read the code. Of course, they had already known that Jaemin would never hurt Renjun—Jaemin would certainly never kill him if they got caught. They had known it was all a bluff from the beginning, but they couldn’t help but be glad that Jaemin was confirming it._

_“I can’t believe he came up with that horrible of a bluff, and yet his plan still worked out in the end,” Donghyuck said._

_“Agreed,” Jeno said._

After reliving that memory, Donghyuck returned to the present. He opened Renjun’s newest letter, scattered paperwork long forgotten, curious as to what Renjun had to say about his new life this time around. He found that Renjun's elegance in letter-writing had somewhat faded over the course of only a year, his formal way with words becoming increasingly informal, yet it somehow seemed like Renjun had grown.

_27th of December, XX63_

_Dear Donghyuck,_

_Here I am, yet again, with a new letter. I sure hope you've been reading each and every one, otherwise you'll probably be very shocked at this piece of news (it's good news, I promise)._

Donghyuck _had_ been reading each and every letter Renjun sent his way.

_I'll just say it: Jaemin and I are finally married!_

Donghyuck expected this. He remembered one of Renjun's letters dated August that year, which had a code written at the bottom of it. It was Jaemin's code, written the same way as his letter to the king. He had deciphered the code without Jeno's help, for he had been practicing, and discovered that Jaemin was planning on proposing. _I’m planning on asking Renjun to marry me soon. I already have a ring and everything. Perhaps this was my plan from the beginning,_ it had said.

That letter had come in the mail with another letter from the same month, and that had been Renjun saying they had finally confessed and were now lovers.

The whole ordeal had made Donghyuck shake his head; not only was Jaemin being cheeky (again) and stating that it was his plan all along, but the two hadn’t even confessed until _after,_ if the dates on the letters were anything to go by. Jaemin had seriously been planning a proposal when he hadn’t even confirmed Renjun's feelings. It all seemed to work out in the end, though. He was happy for the two.

_You wouldn’t believe the way he proposed to me. He had the nerve to wake me up at the crack of dawn (though I have to admit, it was worth it seeing that sunrise). Then he brought up eloping, asking me if I wondered whether Mother and Father thought we had escaped to elope or not. And then he said, “why don’t we make that a reality?” I don’t know since when he had bought the ring, but then he took it out and proposed. I was sold; I said yes. I’m certain that Jaemin is the one, the one I want to stay by forever. I remembered your words from the day before I left. My answer, if you couldn’t tell, is yes. I can handle a marriage of true love. (Best you hold a blue carnation instead of a yellow one.)_

_We’ve decided to settle down! We’re in Deissa. Actually, I don’t think I’ve mentioned this, but we’ve been in Deissa this entire time. Not that far. We bought a new house, but that took all of the money we initially brought with us, so we’ve also gotten jobs. I'm a delivery boy; Jaemin's a gardener. I get to travel around town, delivering people’s mail and gifts. I like spending time outside, in the sun. And Jaemin says working as a gardener isn’t the worst thing to do in the whole world. He gets to use his strength, at least._

_We've met great people here, and I'd consider them my friends. Sometimes I can't help but sigh at their antics, and other times I somehow end up joining in. It's fun. Living like this, without another care in the world, makes me happy. I hope you're happy too, Donghyuck._

_Your brother, newly wed,_

_Renjun._

_p.s. It took me much debate, and I’m dearly hoping I can trust you with this knowledge: the village we’ve settled down in is Lindow. I trust that you won’t reveal this to Their Majesties. Feel free to send me a letter sometime!_

Donghyuck opened one of his desk drawers. Not only did he have a collection of all the letters Renjun had sent to him, he also had a stack of his replies to those letters. Now since Renjun and Jaemin have settled down, he could send all at once.

Another knock came at Donghyuck's door, and he looked up and found that Taeil hadn't left his study, so it wasn't Taeil at the door. He had an idea of who it was. He told them to enter, and soon after the door swung open, revealing exactly who he thought it was. Who he had been hoping it was.

"Prince Donghyuck, I've returned." In front of him was Jeno, his bodyguard. (Perhaps Jeno was more than just a bodyguard to Donghyuck, but he wasn't about to say that.)

"That took longer than I expected. I thought you said you were just headed to the library to look for something?" Donghyuck said.

Jeno smiled sheepishly. "It took more than a while for me to find what I was looking for," he said.

“Well, mind telling me what you were looking for?” Donghyuck asked. He noticed that Jeno was hiding something behind his back, and from the corner of his eye he saw that Taeil was silently making his way out of the room.

Jeno revealed what he had been holding to Donghyuck, and the prince was surprised to learn it was a flower. A white camellia. His eyes widened. “A book on flower meanings,” Jeno supplied. He knew this flower’s meaning, he knew them all by heart: _adoration._

“Jeno...” Donghyuck said, before trailing off. He had no words.

“Oh, is that Renjun’s newest letter?” Jeno said, pointing to the letter still in Donghyuck’s hands, attempting to change the topic. “What did it say this time?” No, Donghyuck wasn’t going to let Jeno get away with this so easily.

“Don’t try to distract me from _that,”_ Donghyuck said, referring to the bloom. He swallowed hard. “Do you really like me?”

Jeno grinned. “How about I take you out of the castle today? To take a breath of fresh air. This paperwork of yours might suffocate you otherwise, I fear. We can talk about the flower there,” Jeno said. “And we can talk about Renjun’s letter later.”

Donghyuck returned Jeno’s grin. “That sounds great to me,” he said.

More than great, maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> and that's it! that's the fic! the fic that took me 4 whole months to write! i can't believe the word count on this, i've never written something this long before! thank you for reading it all to the end!
> 
> i don't know if any of you actually attempted to solve the codes, but if you did then thank you TAT my efforts didn't go to waste. otherwise, i guess it was just an easter egg for me while writing!
> 
> the title is 'to be more than just a dreamer', which means rather than staying a dreamer, said dreamer (cough cough renjun) is making their dreams come true. so instead of just limiting freedom to a dream, renjun is actually making freedom his reality. he's taking his life into his own hands. i'm actually proud of this title for once!
> 
> i wonder if any of you googled the flower meanings for yellow and blue carnations...honestly i didn't know a lot of flower meanings starting out (i still don't, who am i kidding) but it was fun to add these details! yellow carnations mean something along the lines of rejection and disdain, and i used these in the first chapter to represent renjun rejecting those women in those marriage interviews! blue carnations mean truth, commonly used as wedding flowers to remind of devotion and true love! and making frella the country of flowers was something i did on a whim, as well as making deissa the country of constellations.
> 
> feel free to check out my twitter [@ksfrmi](https://twitter.com/ksfrmi/status/1273239509342334976?s=19) <3
> 
> read the [00ff author interviews](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1stj0svMDVeojbAVNaczWGJrYjpkySFQP9fKtwglYTFo/edit?usp=drivesdk) :D (mine is the longest by a longshot whoops, i just can't shut up)
> 
> kudos and comments very much appreciated <3
> 
> **ISSUES GOING ON IN THE WORLD**  
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> 
> **#BLACKLIVESMATTER**  
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> 
> **LGBTQ+ RIGHTS IN POLAND**  
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> 
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> 
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